Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am going through a lot right now and need help how to heal and maybe previous experience from others for support. In April, I found my husband had been texting with a number for over a year. I confronted him and he promised it was just casual nothing there whatsoever that He loved me and our 2 children. He was just talking nothing more. He showed changed behavior after we talked more went out more focused on our relationship. We’ve been married 10.5 years and together 13 years. I am 29 and he is 33. Or kids are 6&8. He and our kids go every summer for 1 month to visit my mother in law in Mexico. They went in June. He came back before the kids and left our truck in Mexico getting fixed he flew back. July it was us we went out dates he took me for weekend trip to Canada. All good and kids came back. August we took the family to Canada and then he was going to go the next week to get the truck and come back quickly a 3-4 day trip. He arrived Friday sent me a text early he arrived that he would call me that night. He didn’t call fri or sat nor Sunday. I called his mom and Monday he called angry said we needed to talk. Tuesday he called said he had been thinking about life and had to confess. The girl I caught him talking to in April was now 2 months pregnant. So when he went in June he slept with her while our kids were with him in Mexico. I was heart broken. He said he was returning soon. I found out from people from his town that he brought he girl with him back. He did he brought her to our state with him. She graduated high school last year and is 19 years old. He says she needs him she is alone and has no one but obviously her family would support her if need be. I found that he had gotten a secret phone in July when he came back and he said it was to talk to her bc he knew she was pregnant then. I found that at the beginning of August 2 weeks before leaving he applied for an apartment and even ordered furniture from art van. He said this was no plan but he knew how I would react. It has now been a month. I don’t eat maybe 1 if that a day. I can’t sleep unless I talk zzquill or something I’ve dropped 15 lbs in this time. I have good days and bad days where I cry cry. We’ve been together since I was 15 and him 19. Last week we met to talk. He said he messed up and he knows he did that if she was not pregnant he would not be with her. That I am Indepent and don’t need him but she can’t support herself and needs him now. He says after the baby is born he wants to try to work things out with me and get back together. That he can’t do anything until the baby is born and she is stable on her own. He says he knows he will never find anyone like me and he knows being with me is love until the end and he knows that with her it’s not a lasting relationship. But that he can’t send her back and that she’s left her family to be with him. That she wants to be with him and he wants to be with her now. That she needs him and he is all she has. He keeps saying that there are lots of possibilities we get back together that he loves me and Our kids but he won’t do anything until after baby is here. I can’t believe this betrayal and many times when I have episodes I just knee thinking this is a dream and I will wake up. We have a good life. We did so much as a family. My kids don’t get why he left and feel he is abandoning us. He mentioned to me that he would be jealous to see me with someone else and wouldn’t stand me being with another man. He says he can’t ask me to wait for him but he feels we have a future together. When I first found out I was willing to forgive and accept the baby but then he took the girl with him. I expected him to fight for us and he keeps saying he has to be responsiblez he says he has plans and has to wait until the baby is here and he can’t tell me His plans because f I get angry I’ll send it to girl or her family. I am so confused and idk what to do. He has been my only boyfriend/ man I’ve been with. I thought we were in for forever. I never imagined nor wanted to be rich anyone else. I thought to take time to heal myself love myself and be strong for my kids. Idk if I am stupid to think of a potential future with him. With so many lies idk if he is saying that to try to confuse me. Idk anymore. I’ve told him that she is not allowed at any of my kids sports events if he wants to be invited. He’s seen them 3 times in this month for a few hours only. Their are staying at his nephews house until an apartment is available. I am not divorcing him any time soon. I put so many years and effort into our marriage I am not going to easily give this for a chance to become a resident by marrying him. I know that sounds petty. He hasn’t asked for divorce at all. I don’t plan to give to him any time soon. But idk some guidance advice or just from experience thoughts I would appreciate it. Do marriages work after something like this? Is there forgiveness? How do I heal myself? I hear songs and they always make me cry. I was debating to get on a depression pill to see if it helps me sleep and eat and with this episodes I have. Looking for guidance
Get a lawyer and don’t let your kids go with him.
So sorry
I would gather his reasons for not divorcing right away is to keep maintain his financial options open as divorce would make things messy in terms of having to pay child support, obtain an apartment, and get the girl into US.
TBH I would get divorced from him ASAP before he sucks your finances drying setting up his own life and paying for all the medical/living expenses of this girl.
His story makes no sense at all. He is trying to pull another fast one on you. Get a lawyer, ditch, him quick and get the child support.
He only saw your kids 3 times for a couple of hours in the last month? He's already abandoned the family for this fantasy life he has built.
It is such an obvious lie to say that he is just doing all this with the girl to be responsible. That has never been his motive for anything he has done.
He is probably hiding money. So you should move quickly.
Your marriage is over. He ended it. I am sorry. I know this is not what you
want. But you have to live in reality. He is a liar and a cheat. Protect yourself and your kids.
Make an appointment with a family law attorney today!! Go through your bank statements and credit card statements. Pull credit reports.
He is going to have to support all these kids, you, the mistress. I can promise you he is making a plan - so get on with yours!
Do this for yourself and your kids. Think about them.
Im sorry for you and sad to hear your heartbreaking story.
You will need to grieve this loss but you also must muster strength now for you and your children. ASAP the divorce before he does more damage.
I’m so sorry for your current situation. I also am going through a similar situation where my husband cheated and had a child. He is also my first everything. I was heartbroken. I remember the sleepless nights, the days I went without food and the constant feeling of hurt and betrayal. I remember initially the pain was so intense I could literally feel it in my gut. It felt like someone was constantly stabbing me. Although a year has past since I found out and I can say that I am living. Some days I’m bitter, resentful and so angry I’m disgusted. And some days I’m so thankful that this situation happened. I learned so much about myself in the process. I learned that I used my relationship to validate me. I learned that my husband had more control over my emotions than I did. I learned that it doesn’t matter if you do all the right things, life can still throw you the most obiliterating curve ball it can find. And most importantly, I learned that through even the worst of times, you can still find happiness. I would encourage you to go to counseling. It helped me a lot. Don’t go through this alone. It sounds like your identity is tied to your husband because you’ve been together so long. Take this time to find out who you are independent of him. Not you as a mother, a wife, a daughter, etc. who are you really? Cry when you need to cry. Scream when you need to scream. And take time to heal your soul.
A year later me and my husband are still together. We are working through it one minute at a time. I honestly don’t know if we will get through it, but if we don’t I know I can say I tried. In this time, don’t let what others think guide your decision. This is YOUR life. And you are the only one who knows what’s best for it. In the meantime I will keep you in my prayers and pray that God gives you the same peace he gave me. Good luck.