Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members

18,074 Posts

0 Online

redloui 12/10/2015

So I've been wondering if I could spill my whole sexual history & issues to a therapist to see if its me, and why its not working for me?

I've had really terrible luck with psychiatrists/psychologists, including those that sit there and hmmm, and say wow, you've had a lot to deal with, and they'd be sitting under a duvet with a box of chocolates! that really helped!

i'm reluctant, and its not that bad, its not like I was abused, or damaged, or hurt like so many others here. but would spilling my guts make it feel better?

I have a limited experiences of good sex-life. 2 boyfriends where I thought I liked sex, but they only wanted me for sex, and dumped me when I thought it was going to get to the relationship part!. So I get the damage done there - I gave away a good portion of my "good sex" to men who only wanted to get laid, & not love me, so maybe I hold that up as an example.

The one man I truly love, and want to be with forever, gave his sex up to just about anyone, with 2 infidelities, over the internet, because he was bored, and titillated, by the net. so i'm a little bit "over" the sex as a great relationship building necessity!!

i'm in menopause, so sex hurts, and I have no desire for it, I look at my overweight fragile partner who currently has an "ostomy" bag for a bowel, and i'm not turned on. he also has a brain injury, so his idea of initiating, is a zany line like "wanna ride the bike" and he thinks that does it for me. he also still has that over active brain (like of like Tourettes) for sex, and sex talk.

so i'm really not into it! and i'm afraid the more time I spend not being into it, he's gonna get bored again, and start playing away. so i'm stuck. and i'm not going to get the help I need with any therapist. but I don't know anymore - can anyone help?

Lenoire 12/11/2015

It's probably worth a try to have a session with one, but I don't know much about sex therapists. I have had success with a therapist who practices Relational Therapy. It could be just her or the practice itself, but she's much more involved and doesn't seem to do the things you describe with your experiences. A good place to start your research to find one is the Psychology Today network of therapists.

Here's the link:
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

I hope you can find someone to help you through this.

calirn13 12/12/2015

What did you mean by:
he's gonna get bored again, and start playing away.

sarah2220 12/13/2015

Possibly getting some medical help for your pain would help immensely. Nobody likes pain, so it follows that you would not want sex if it is painful, and there are several different treatment protocols out there that can help with pain issues following menopause. If you have not had breast cancer or certain other cancers, there will be even more options for you. Have you explored this from a medical standpoint? Perhaps this would be a good place to start.

redloui 12/16/2015

I've tried the drugs for MP - they just made me gain weight, and bleed. CaliRN - he's got some internet issues, and when he feels "lonely" he goes seeking attention on the net.

sarah2220 12/16/2015

When you say drugs for MP, are you referring to HRT (hormone replacement therapy)? Those are different from the specific treatments for painful sex. They are supposed to help some people, but there are other options. And some of them are even over the counter.

distancemj 12/22/2015

I agree wit you as to the fact that sex is not a necessity for a healthy relationship. However I do think you should focus on the stronger communication. Many couples tend to use sex instead of meaningful communication. It has been almost 2 years since we have had sex and our relationship is so much stronger and happier than it was before she cheated on me. Our MC was able to help us build up those communication skills to make that happen.

refurb 12/22/2015

i think that when both partners are cleared and healthy to be on the field of play, that sexual intimacy is required
#6 why? two years?

distancemj 12/23/2015

Refurb - I have a super low sex drive which was one of the triggers for her to have her affair. After I found out about the affairs I always felt like I was obligated to have sex with her in order to keep her from having an affair again, and it was never satisfying for me, and made me resent her even more. To this day she has not accepted her part of the responsibility in the affair and I cannot find it in myself to be intimate with her with out resentment if she cannot accept even the slightest bit responsibility. But the time is still moving on, and rather than living it in limbo waiting for her to accept any responsibility, our MC has helped us focus on communication and rebuilding our relationship that way.

Join the Conversation