When your both emotionaly ready and when the cs has been tested.

Woo-hoo! Yes, triggers, the end-all to romance. I guess that's what's referred to as memory?

Make sure to change toothbrushes,
Yuck, thanks so much again for cheating

Yeah, there are sexual diseases that can be transmitted through the mouth too. So, sex, hmmmmm....not likely...or any precursor, before a thorough health checkup.

For me dday was long since A ended so chances are if there was a disease it would have already been transmitted, however I still had him get tested. We messed around a lot but no intercourse until tested. I was going through hyper bonding.

oooo, I like "hyper bonding" so much more than "hysterical bonding". I think is is an exceptionally unfortunate term.

I couldn't remember which term was used usually. I too like hyper better. Hysterical just sounds like funny sex.

Lol, Cole. You made me laugh. I have never thought of it that way. More as a psychiatric term hysteria..... I like "funny sex". Funny.

Heheh. I miss hysterical(ly funny) sex... ok, well, I miss the carefree laughing/playfulness during sex. That has never returned - not even 3+ years later.

Thanks for yet another insightful article, Cole.

Sex post betrayal is so tricky. On one hand, I felt like I needed to be as crazy/fun/kinky in bed as possible to prove I was still desirable, and on the other, just being in the same room was hard. Thank goodness that roller coaster isn't forever.

I actually remembered something my high school health teacher told us to use to determine if we were ready for sex. Basically: Can you stand completely naked in front of each other - without touching - look at each other up and down - then look each other in the eye and say, "I love you and accept you for who you are and I believe you love and accept me for who I am."

Still took a lot of "trust on loan" to get there. (Loved that part, btw, Cole.)

Ha hyper oops. I meant to say hysterical but it does make me sound like I need a slap across the face to calm down.

My Ex W and I did, once, about 2 months after d-day. Worst! Sex! Ever!

Mostly I think it was the unspoken attitude from her that killed it. Can't put my finger on it, but it was like she trying to make it awful. I didn't bother to ask again because of how she acted, and she moved out 4-5 weeks later.

I remember it as one of many signs that she had checked out, and was't interested in trying to fix anything.

I have tried twice to have sex with my wife after finding out 3 months ago and I just can't do it, emotionally or physically. It's not that I am not sexually attracted to her it's that I am still feeling the blow to my ego that she wasn't satisfied with me in the first place. I think getting over that hurdle will take a lot more time. The worst part is I can see her trying to make some efforts here and there but when I can't have sex I see the depressed look she gets and then she shy's away from making any effort to make me feel comfortable for another 2 weeks.

lol at hysterical sex, yeah I miss that too and as Allora said that type of sex, like the playful, carefree, kind has still yet to return there is always some sort of emotional limitation to it. Though physically some of the sex has been good just not emotionally which is not easy. With us there was a fairly short initial period before resuming. I made absolutely sure to get tested and have her tested (one of a few things that I will never forget and never imagined having to do) although as others have said I kind of figured if she had anything it was already too late. She tried to initiate all the time almost from the beginning but I wasn't there. When it did start up there were some periods of "hyper bonding" moreso on her part. I believe and our counselor agrees that in all other relationships she had had, sex was what it was all about and if not for that the guys didn't want to have anything to do with her, she had to keep uping the anti and pleasing or else, some of that transitioned over to me and she seemed to think that she could solve things with sex, just as she did with that. Unfortunately (and I hate to use that word as you will see), it led to our second child. Its funny our counselor within a very short time, only a few weeks, was encouraging us to get back into sex but then once we announced we were pregnant basically said "wow I didn't expect this and thought you would make certain that would not happen". Thats what birth control is for I thought but yes I know I was stupid for not thinking about that it never crossed my mind so my lessen for anyone is if you are going to have sex with your CS think about that possibility. Not that I dont love my child, I do VERY much, but I certainly did not want to bring another child into the middle of that mess.

So how to ever return to hysterical sex? lol.