Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. We experienced years of infertility and over the past 2 years lost 2 little boys in the 2nd trimester. Somehow through our infertility and pregnancy losses we always grew closer.
At the end of February we found out we were expecting twins and were already in the 2nd trimester (a crazy story in itself). We were also doing grief counseling because 5 months prior our son was stillborn at 22 weeks. As soon as we found I was pregnant fear of more loss came back. My OB said no sex. My husband kept bringing it up in counseling. The counselor suggested other options which we tried. Then I began having crazy dreams and would wake up orgasming and terrified.
During this time, hubby became friends with a woman at school. I met her, didn't care for her but, I supported their friendship. She was 20 years older than him, married, and had grown kids of her own. She threw a huge work shower for us, came over to our house for dinner, and had us over her house for 4th of July. Something about her never sat right with me but, I trusted him.
At the end of May our twins were born very early, 26 weeks. They ended up in separate hospitals which equated to long days of driving and over 7,000 miles on my car in 3 months. One baby came home at the end of August at which time my husband resumed his job (we are in education) and I took a leave for the year. On September 20th around 3am, I had just pumped and was washing bottles when his phone buzzed with a text from her. I thought it was odd that she texted him at that time. I didn't know his password but, had noticed the weekend before while visiting our other baby in the hospital he entered her password in her ipad for her (yes, this woman even visited and held my babies in the hospital with us). I thought it was odd he knew her password and I remembered what I saw. Don't you know it worked! They had the same password! What I saw sent me to the floor gasping for air. I saw her response to his text. She told him goodnight, she couldn't wait, and that she loved him. His texted told her how much he loved her. He couldn't wait to make love to her and her hair in his face while doing so.
I reacted on emotions by literally yanking him out of bed. He admitted to everything. It started in March. He told her he was unhappy, he felt like the babies were a priority over him. She offered him oral sex and they began going down a dead end road near work (they worked together). Then in May, I went out of town 2 weekends, 1 was for a girl's weekend and the other was for Mother's Day. I knew something was wrong after the girl's weekend. He was very distant when I returned home. Apparently she came over those weekends and they had sex. He would remove our pictures, his wedding ring, my pillows, and our comforter from the bed...the same bed that we had sex in for the first time, conceived our children, and even lost a child in.
He said he didn't love her but, he loved how she made him feel. She made him a priority. Oh and the best part, no condom but, he didn't finish inside of her (because that makes me feel better).
It has been almost 3 months and I keep thinking about it. He was the love of my life and I trusted him. I was his first. He broke my trust and the vows he made. The thing that bothers me most is that he chose to stay home and see her over going and seeing his babies in the hospital. He made me believe she was a good person, our friend. She made me believe the same. What kind of woman goes to a hospital to visit friend's babies and is sleeping with the husband? I don't know how either of them looked me in the face.
They had a playlist, lovey dovey songs. He went out of his way for her like he was courting her.
He severed ties with her and her husband called me a few days later. She told him. He was devastated. He told me that he hopes my hubby and I work things out. I deserve to be happy and my babies deserve to have their dad. I agree with him. I want to work it out. It is much easier to forgive than forget. My issue is there are things that trigger sadness and send me back to the day I found out.
I left for a few days and he showed up at my parent's house. He begged me to come back and told me he was an idiot, made the biggest mistake of his life. I guess my knight in shining armor is tarnished. I am just not sure how to move forward without looking back at the past.
At the end of February we found out we were expecting twins and were already in the 2nd trimester (a crazy story in itself). We were also doing grief counseling because 5 months prior our son was stillborn at 22 weeks. As soon as we found I was pregnant fear of more loss came back. My OB said no sex. My husband kept bringing it up in counseling. The counselor suggested other options which we tried. Then I began having crazy dreams and would wake up orgasming and terrified.
During this time, hubby became friends with a woman at school. I met her, didn't care for her but, I supported their friendship. She was 20 years older than him, married, and had grown kids of her own. She threw a huge work shower for us, came over to our house for dinner, and had us over her house for 4th of July. Something about her never sat right with me but, I trusted him.
At the end of May our twins were born very early, 26 weeks. They ended up in separate hospitals which equated to long days of driving and over 7,000 miles on my car in 3 months. One baby came home at the end of August at which time my husband resumed his job (we are in education) and I took a leave for the year. On September 20th around 3am, I had just pumped and was washing bottles when his phone buzzed with a text from her. I thought it was odd that she texted him at that time. I didn't know his password but, had noticed the weekend before while visiting our other baby in the hospital he entered her password in her ipad for her (yes, this woman even visited and held my babies in the hospital with us). I thought it was odd he knew her password and I remembered what I saw. Don't you know it worked! They had the same password! What I saw sent me to the floor gasping for air. I saw her response to his text. She told him goodnight, she couldn't wait, and that she loved him. His texted told her how much he loved her. He couldn't wait to make love to her and her hair in his face while doing so.
I reacted on emotions by literally yanking him out of bed. He admitted to everything. It started in March. He told her he was unhappy, he felt like the babies were a priority over him. She offered him oral sex and they began going down a dead end road near work (they worked together). Then in May, I went out of town 2 weekends, 1 was for a girl's weekend and the other was for Mother's Day. I knew something was wrong after the girl's weekend. He was very distant when I returned home. Apparently she came over those weekends and they had sex. He would remove our pictures, his wedding ring, my pillows, and our comforter from the bed...the same bed that we had sex in for the first time, conceived our children, and even lost a child in.
He said he didn't love her but, he loved how she made him feel. She made him a priority. Oh and the best part, no condom but, he didn't finish inside of her (because that makes me feel better).
It has been almost 3 months and I keep thinking about it. He was the love of my life and I trusted him. I was his first. He broke my trust and the vows he made. The thing that bothers me most is that he chose to stay home and see her over going and seeing his babies in the hospital. He made me believe she was a good person, our friend. She made me believe the same. What kind of woman goes to a hospital to visit friend's babies and is sleeping with the husband? I don't know how either of them looked me in the face.
They had a playlist, lovey dovey songs. He went out of his way for her like he was courting her.
He severed ties with her and her husband called me a few days later. She told him. He was devastated. He told me that he hopes my hubby and I work things out. I deserve to be happy and my babies deserve to have their dad. I agree with him. I want to work it out. It is much easier to forgive than forget. My issue is there are things that trigger sadness and send me back to the day I found out.
I left for a few days and he showed up at my parent's house. He begged me to come back and told me he was an idiot, made the biggest mistake of his life. I guess my knight in shining armor is tarnished. I am just not sure how to move forward without looking back at the past.
And if you choose to go to a MC, make sure that the counselor you choose is pro-marriage. Many are not and therefore can lead you down the wrong road. Choose wisely. Best of wishes.
You will never forget and even forgiveness can come to soon sometimes I ran into that with my wife. I wanted the pain to be over fast and sometimes it just does not work like that.
The rebuliding marriage after the affair on Daily Strength is a good place to talk to other couples that are working threw the crisis of Affairs as well.
It is very hard to get passed and to rebuild so I hope that you don't and your husband do not look at it to be a fast process.
It has been a little over a year since my wife's year long affair.
I was compleatly destroyed by it. I have worked really hard and got my life back on a good path forward but will have to continue to work on our marriage for a long time.
The marriage you had ( your knight in shinning armor) or my
( Princess ) are people they are not perfect and I know I looked at my wife before the affair as she could do no wrong and sooner or latter she was bound to prove to me that she was human. I wish it had not been in such a painful way and I will never look at her in quite the same way as I used to. (Probably a good thing even though it does not seem that way).
Rebuilding takes a lot of time (A LOT OF TIME) most of what I have read says around two years before even the best cercomestanses can be healed from Infidelity. I think that Cole and Gabriel where a little faster than that but that would be for him to answer and I hope he responds to your post he is very good a lot better than me at helping people but I try.
You and your Husband have to be ready to work long and hard to make a new different better marriage.
I hope that some of that helped and if you have any questions please feel ask I am always doing what I can to try and help anyone going threw the horrible experiance out the best I can.
I have you and your family and new babbies in my prayer's.
And your husband
I hope the best world out for your sons