I know what you mean. I did feel like my H could so easily dispose of me and let the OW fill my shoes. But what I came to realize as his fog lifted was that was just the way he was thinking while they were together.

I know that when you have sex with someone the bonding hormone, oxytocin, is released. I guess it takes a while for it to dissipate! But it does. And once it does and the cheaters go no contact, things change. Of course, in meantime I was working hard to be a better girlfriend than the girlfriend.

At one point my H in a moment of true lucidity said he could not imagine his life without me. That felt good.

And when I could slip it in I would remind him of the lack of character, morals, etc. of the OW. I would ask him how could he respect her? How could he be proud of her? He knew she was a liar and a cheater. And the people who saw them together knew that as well about her.

I would tell him that people respect and admire me. But if he wanted her, he could just leave. He didn't. He refused to.

I do not do that as much any more.

However, someone in my family died. It hit me hard, very hard. I asked him what kind of God would take such a wonderful person from this world and leave a P.O.S. like the OW to inflict more pain. If anyone should be dead it is the OW. From the look on his face I think he had a new impression of her.

You are only four months out. Just be sure the A is truly over. The cheaters are really good at deception.

It's hard, I know, but you need to try and not take it personally that you were "replaceable".

If a friend's child died you wouldn't never tell them that it's ok and they can just try and have another one.

That kid is not simply replaceable, it wasn't the attributes of the child that made him/her valuable but an inherent worth of your own child that you love.

If someone had a car stolen and was just heart broken you would scratch your head and tell them to just collect the insurance and buy a new one. You'd find it silly that they actually loved the car that much because all it did was get them to point A to B.

The reason you shouldn't take it personally is that your husband treated you ( and other people) as objects rather than valued people. It was what they gave and did for him that he valued rather than the person themselves.

In this selfish frame of mind everyone is replaceable if they provide x-y-z in greater quantities. Sometimes it just the novelty. "I love this car, but this new one has x-y-z"

it is not that you are replaceable

it is that to him you are replaceable, interchangeable, don't matter, just a cog for him to use up, wear out, consume

has he changed? if so great & not all that common

I get that feeling, I don’t have too much infinite wisdom about it because I am just starting to go through it, hang in there!

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am 3 months post D-day, so I am encouraged that things are heading in a positive direction for you. I too have had that terrible realization that I was replaceable after 25 years of marriage; I told him I felt like a piece of garbage that he was going to casually toss out. I think I need to realize that I am totally not replaceable; no one else can take away our memories, our kids, the way I have cared for him for so many years. I hope that he is slowly realizing that I am reality and she is fantasy.