I read your profile and am saddened it took being kicked out for you to wake up.

Rebuilding is an incredibly difficult road. It can be done but only if both parties want it to happen. If your h is not ready all you can do is be persistent and never give up. I to separated from my h on Valentine's Day when I found out and it took me five months of his persistent attention to want to rebuild with him. Once you start rebuilding is when the work really begins and the ups and downs are severe.

I realize you take full responsibility...but are you truly remorseful? You have not said that in your post...sorry will need to become a word you use several times each hour and mean it every time.

I was also an all or nothing person and am having to find a way to live with a marriage that is no longer all...

Best of luck...tweedsie

There is also a group called out of the fog that may be better equiped to help you as well as rebuilding marriage after infidelity. Bost can be found on my profile...just click on them to enter.

It is possible. From what you desribe, I am rather like your husband. It is a long hard road, not necessarily to forgive but to get over the pain caused and the overwhelming feeling that you will be tossed aside again when a better offer comes along. Things did return to normal for us after a couple of years, we even got married but he hadnt dealt with the issues he had which caused the affair and as soon as I trusted him he had another affair.
There is no cut and dried way to save your marriage, all I can suggest is that you tell your H every day you love him, back up your words with appropriate actions. Answer any questions he may have openly and honestly (the betrayed often know more than you realise and if he catches you in a lie or half truth that will only fuel further distrust). Be prepared to accept many months where your husband is angry and maybe even accusatory and where you will have to account for your every move. Finally you need to understand what drove you to stray in the first place and work on that. NEVER EVER TELL HIM HE CAUSED THE AFFAIR OR CONTRIBUTED TO IT. THERE IS NEVER EVER A VALID EXCUSE FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL. IF YOU DID FEEL UNLOVED OR UNWANTED SEXUALLY TELL HIM THAT BUT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU HAD A RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL HIM AND GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO WORK ON ANY ISSUES WITH YOU.

The only thing I can say, I agree 100% with Tweedsie. I am the betrayed. Believe me ...... It can be a VERY long road if you do try to rebuild the marriage and I am not near the end yet. Sorry.

I am the betrayed and am similar to the people who have posted when it comes to infidelity- there is no excuse for it, no justification. However, I am a person who strngly believes people make mistakes which has turned my entire world upside down. I was naive to think this would never happen to me, and once it did, I wanted to work through it. My H openly accepts that he must deal with my wrath if you will. I am angry at times, blame him, want an account of all his actions and whereabouts, honesty, etc. It is something that when he decided and I agreed to work thorugh this, we were very up front- there are certain things that are the consequences of his beahvior- like checking in with me more routinely so I don't have to wonder "where are you," he can't engage in certain "guy type" conversations, etc. One year later, we are stronger, closer etc even though we have our ups and downs. I would say that you have to identify what it is that working through this will mean for both of you. Can you live with the conditions? -