No. But i did check phone logs and do background searches as well as check social media. For me, it was easier to deal with all the cheating by myself than to have it thrown in my face in public or in front of the ex.

Someone on another board just did that because he strongly suspected his wife was with her AP at a hotel while he was out of town.

In general, though, it seems like you could find some evidence through phone and bank records and email and social media accounts without spending a lot of cash.

Are you looking to track his whereabouts?

We don't live together right now, he wants to move home. My ex is doing everything right and frankly I can't find anything suspicious in what I'm able to snoop into (and I'm pretty sleuthy), it would be a surveillance question as the last unturned stone so to speak. I don't have time to do something like that myself so was wondering if anyone else had same need. I'm looking for that last bit of peace of mind and figured I would gladly part w some cash to get it.

I haven't hired a P.I. but I think if you're still feeling like this, you should be concerned about why you're feeling this way, and what is going on that is giving you doubts. If you don't trust his whereabouts, I don't think that will go away. He has to alter his lifestyle so that you don't have any doubts. But if his lifestyle or work situation gives you reason to have even an iota of doubt, you need to remove these triggers to get passed it, otherwise you'll be on the constant lookout.

I wish you well.

I did hire a PI.
I had enough proof as it was.
I agree that you should not be taking this guy back if you are still suspicious.

I also agree if you feel the need to hire a PI, you aren't trusting him
You know, for whats it worth, if he WAS still cheating, he is going to be on his best behavior right now because he has said to you he wants to come home. And you know.....in this day and age, there are so many ways to cheat: he could have a track phone, he could have an account that is untraceable to use as funds, there are dozens and dozens of apps that are extremely difficult for a 3rd party to get access to, you can have fake names on social media and those fake names are attached to fake email accounts, you can pay for hotel rooms/ gifts/ dinners with visa gift cards.......now a PI can find you somewhere where you said you weren't but again, he's gonna be on his best behavior.

What really needs to happen is he needs to find out what made him stray, why he strayed, and what tools he has in place should those triggers happen again. And Sarah, that is key.

I think you need to take a good hard look if you really want this. I think I've heard you say you are miserable with him and miserable without him, I've heard you say toast cannot be bread again, I've heard you say you have been divorced for a year but he will be moving back in the house- just like that......now you want to hire a PI. It sounds like you have a lot of conflicting feelings and maybe therapy for you to sort those feelings would help.

If I was estranged from someone for a year, I wouldn't just let them move back in with me. Date him, see what his intentions are, see if it works, see if you see a change in him, maybe some couples counseling to see if you can work together. If he really wants you, he'll be around in 6 months, a year.......actions speak louder than words.

No, toast cannot be made into bread again.....but Sarah, would you want the same life back? He cheated on you. Wouldn't you want to start anew? You both need to relearn to love and trust each other again and develop a healthy relationship in between you. I would worry that just by letting him back in, the same patterns would develop.

I could be wrong (and I apologize if I am, it may have been another poster)...but I thought you said, you are miserable with him and miserable without him. Sarah, you deserve to be with someone who doesn't make you feel miserable. Life is too short to spend our days with someone who makes us feel that way for whatever reason. We need to do and be with people who when we are with them we feel joy and that helps us reach our full potential in life. Allow yourself to experience that, either with him or with someone else when the time is right. We can't spend our days wondering, guessing, not trusting.....that's not life that's a life sentence.

He may be very sincere and not cheat again. You can turn your life around.....People can and do change. People can make mistakes and learn from them, but you have to decide what is right for you.

You guys are all 100% right. I am so confused and I go back and forth daily. My fear is I take my time before letting him back in and it does go south and I lose him where had I just taken him back we could have made it work. Distance can create problems and opportunities that don't exist when under the same roof. What if him moving home is our best shot at repair. Of course I know none of you can answer these questions but these are the thoughts I struggle with.

You fear that by taking your time to take him back, it will go south. I think you know that if you take your time, it WILL go south, and that speaks volumes about his intentions, and your state of mind. These thoughts that you have of taking him back, against all reason, come from a place of desperation, and not sensible reasoning, and that's never a good basis to make a decision. If you're miserable without him, go and see a therapist and work on yourself and leave him out of the equation.

Distance doesn't create problems, it creates distance, which is what you need from him.

Listen to Lenoire!

Do you feel like if you don't let him move back in, he will get involved with another woman?

I feel like, if we're going to reconcile our best chance is u dear the same roof making a daily life for ourself. Maybe a little of me thinks all this time and distance can't be good and may make relapse for him easier. Everything I read here says pay attention to their actions, his actions have been spot on right, I asked the PI thing because I can't find fault with anything and it just seemed like maybe the last bit of "verification" I needed that his actions when he is around me match his actions when he is not. Does that make any sense?

What has he been up to during your year-long separation? Has he been seeing other women, dating, hooking up, etc.? Have you talked about that, are his answers sincere, and how are you going to deal with that? Once you've been apart for a year, a lot can happen, and you don't just pick up where you left off.

Where does he go, when he's not around you, that gives you reason for concern that you'd consider hiring a P.I. to follow him?

He hasn't been doing much except working. He quit the job where the affair girl worked with him (which meant he had to build his client base all over so this was a financial hardship for him). He calls every night and morning, we have a date each week and he is where he says he's going to be (yes I've done my own checking up on him). he did tell me what happened after I kicked him out (a lot of it I didn't want to hear but needed to hear). He was with her during the time period I told him I could never forgive him. He could be with her now if he wanted. He could stay living apart from me if he did have us both on the line but wants to move home. I asked about the PI thing because frankly if he is up to anything I can't seem to catch him. I know everyone thinks "well if you have to check up on him you don't trust him now" but is it better to blindly trust, shouldn't I want to check his actions and words at this stage in the game?

I would say yes, you should check his actions and words, rather than blindly trusting him. I'm just not sure why you can't do that living apart and wait to see if he can walk the talk over a period of months and prove himself to you.

You say he wants to move home, but it doesn't sound like there's any reason for it, other than he's done with her. Also, you were not willing to forgive him then, why has that changed now? What progress has been made that you feel willing to forgive him now?

It was when he finally broke and admitted all the details of the affair to me, it was hard to hear, but up to that point he was still trying to minimize everything. From that point we started communicating and seeing each other again. He is trying to show me he's changed and working on his own self esteem to come back into the relationship as equal (he felt overshadowed by me thru a lot of our relationship due to my professional success), he is working a lot of hours to earn his way and show me he can contribute to our relationship Ina financial way (this was big for him), I could give you a lot of examples of things he is trying to show me (taking me out to the movies - I love them he hates them, but he takes me to show me he wants to meet my needs, he is learning to cook so when we are under same roof he can contribute in that way, he makes a point when dealing with things himself that I used to handle in telling me he appreciates now all I did for him, he holds my hand now and expresses physical affection more which was a huge problem with us post affair)just stuff like that. I don't know if stuff like that sounds lame?. If he moves home it wouldn't be until end of year.