Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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pint up emotions

JessicaLeighton
JessicaLeighton
So tonight I tried talking to my h about all my pint up emotions. And he said is this about the same stuff? The same stuff really? So he tells me that he don't have answers. I didn't even get to ask any of questions so he don't know if he don't have answers. And he says he so sick of this coming up over and over. And that it drives him insane. He did this not me. I didn't go out and sext woman or come home with a long strand of hair on my privates, or text 2 exes, and god knows what else. Its not my fault I'm having a hard time letting things go or how to handle my emotions when we don't talk about or even answer questions. I've tried getting past it but I can't. He doesn't know but I'm starting to resent him because of all of this. I don't want to kiss him or even do what married couples do. I can't sleep, eat. And he doesn't care. He wants it all in the past and I'm sorry but I'm tired of sweeping up our major issue in our marriage under the rug anymore. He doesn't realize but he's pushing me away. I don't know what to do anymore.
JessicaLeighton
JessicaLeighton
Pent not pint emotions
arrabella
arrabella
He owes you answers. If he wants his marriage to continue he has to give you those answers. My H tried to stonewall me for a very long time. I could't even begin to trust him as long as he avoided telling me what I wanted to know. I arranged to move in with a friend of mine because living with him and his lies was too painful for me. That was about a year after d-day. when I started to pack he started talking, and I learned that his A was not just a wild weekend as he had claimed. He'd been involved with her for nearly a year. At that point I got most of what I needed to know and things started to make more sense to me. It was a terrible shock to realize the extent of his deception. I needed to know it though, and he needed to face it. If he had continued to lie and evade, we would not have had a chance to save our marriage. When he started being honest I knew that he wanted the marriage enough to be vulnerable, and that my needs were important to him. Leveling with the betrayed spouse is about the only way to regain some of the trust that has been destroyed by the betrayal. If the cheater will not do that, then the marriage is unlikely to recover.
Jason21
Jason21
Sounds to me like he does not want to own up to the damage he has caused and if things do not change very soon you will be so tired of trying that you will be threw and have no love left to give.
Rug sweeping does not work that is for sure.
I hope you the best and without him working on rebuilding and taking responsibility for what he has done it will be very hard for you to ever heal.
Time for the 180... you have to do it. Worry about you and not him make changes in yourself that can be strong and independent of him. This will either get his attention to start trying harder or give you the strength to leave. Change has to happen one way or another.
I hope that things get better and wish you luck. This is never easy but trying to rebuild a marriage with a spouse that wants you to just forget about it is unlikely and will be nearly impossible for you to heal.
Wishing you the best.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I'm wondering if it's time to move on. You are young and have an entire life ahead of you. Do you want to spend a lifetime with him? If he can't help you now, what assurance do you have that he will be able to in the future?

Think about how you see yourself in five or ten years, then act upon it.

I wish you strength and perseverance.
Changeforbetter101
Changeforbetter101
Yep - been there, done that. His affair was MY fault somehow. My friend once said to me "It's funny how he is the one with the problem, but you are the one suffering." (My stbx is an alcoholic, though and an alcoholic's mind is a little warped!) That really put things into perspective for me. Why should I have to suffer for his demented thoughts? Don't let him fool you.
Justme2892
Justme2892
So......what about this situation makes you feel respected, appreciated, and valued as a human being? Does this situation help you maintain your integrity as a person?
RomaWasLove
RomaWasLove
When I was in the middle of my A, I would often be moody because I felt that my W was too much of a nag, too needy, too dependent. In reality what I wanted was an excuse to talk to, be with the OW. Even if it was on the phone, I felt less guilt when my W and I argued or were not in the best of terms.

I have had to get to a place where I really want to have what I have with OW with my wife. I really love her. So I really struggle and want my wife to love me and only in that space I am able to respect her need for answers, and pain, and her struggle.

I hope you find the courage to see through the deceit if there it is still happening. You seem like a wonderful wife, he should be chasing after your forgiveness/understanding and not the other way around. You did nothing wrong!!!

Have you started counseling?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I read you bio and see that the two of you have a child together...this makes this situation very delicate to say the least. In order for YOU to start to heal in this situation you H must be able to communicate with you to whatever extent you need. I am a big proponent of marriagebuilders.com. Here is also another youtube specialist on infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FXXFge_9VI&index=24&list=UUPIBpFRhkzq68wPvTdrXIMw
There is no way in the world that you can just "get over this" or "sweep this under the rug", it is one of (if not worst) things that your husband could have done to you. This is the man with whom stood in front of God and said that he would love you and only you and has betrayed that trust. Your feelings, questions, emotions and pain should be of great concern to him but it seems at this time that they are not. Here is another youtube relationship specialist that may help you:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVn8LG1-PN9PG59IJlzpfGw