I thought before finding DS that affairs were harder on us men than they are on women. I thought that women were instinctively more understanding and forgiving. From all of the psots that I've read now I'm not so sure.

For men, the thought of your mate, the mother of your children, whom you have loved, protected, cared for, and provided for, in the arms of another man, really hits you hard at your core. It's primal.

I've been in "fight mode" constantly for the past 18 months.

I went for a check-up because friends were concerned that I had dropped so much weight. A common sympton apparently.

My body transformed from the constant surge of adrenaline mixed with anxiety. My testosterone levels are through the roof, the highest my doctor had "even seen in a 47 year old man who wasn't using steroids".

Apparently it's just a physical reaction to another beast entering my den and sniffing around my mate. Its good to be fit, but this doesn't really feel good.

So why haven't I returned to normal after 18 months?

I think it's because in my primal brain there really hasn't been closure.

In terms of knowing all that happened or in the way that I've dealt, or haven't dealt, with the OM.

I'm wound so tight these days that the only time I really relax is when distance running or with extended and very strenuous exercise...and those endorphins only make me feel better for a short while.

And even with all the exercise that I need just to keep "even", I hardly ever sleep.

I don't know how long I can keep this up before I just drop dead from exhaustion or my head explodes.

So here's the question...how has your spouces affair affected you physically? Is it different for men than for women?