Hi James.

I imagine for you a sense of relief upon writing this news. Good for you to open up too. Unfortunately, far too often, when people allow this thing to become a problem, well intentions tend to try to explain or acknowledge these types of worries and try to determine the source of where it all started and how to make it end come to light. Plainly speaking, you have to seek professional service through counseling or therapy to find out what is the matter. Professional therapists make light of such observations of which things you are missing or unaware of determining. I personally feel that it is a matter of ingrown low self-confidence and a lack of knowledge in human morals and values, sort of weak personal spiritual drift too.

As much as possible, try not to punish yourself any further; you only need gentle guidance and information about how you are expected to behave like a grown and mature person. I totally understand you. I was lacking the facts of life for many years, and it was only by finding a constructive way to teach myself appropriate behaviors that I liberated to a better person.

You don't want to hurt a good wife, and it takes courage to know it. I hope for your emotional relief. It does help to find out that you are not alone and meeting with other people who are coping or learning to cope with the same strong issues.

Best always.

I agree stop and get professional help, or you will end up destroying your marriage and life.
It is not uncommon to do what you are doing and not deal with the why.
There are reason you are destroying your life, and they all have to do with your feelings, thought, and emotions.
When you are acting out you are numbing or running form yourself and not dealing with your issues. This is causing you to fail in so many other parts of your life you are not even aware of.
I would start a journal and write everything down that you can handle.

I agree that immediate professional (or spiritual) counsel is necessary. As wonderful, understanding and forgiving as your wife may be, are you willing to take the chance that the next "unintentional" incident of meeting, flirting, sexting and talking with a woman not your wife is the proverbial "straw that breaks the camel's back"?

This group and the Breakups and Divorce group is full of posts from men who "love my wife more than anything". Except for the love of the cheap thrill, ego boast and adrenalin inducing danger that comes from illicit engagement with strangers.

Thank yall for your advice. I have sought out a few therapists to get a feel of who would be better to speak to and during the free consultation a few things were brought to my attention that I hadn't thought of before. I little history about me, I am an army veteran and served overseas in Afghanistan as an infantryman. I saw combat first hand and now deal with depression and ptsd. Not saying this is an excuse for my behavior but as one of you mentioned, I have been numbing and running from my issues and not dealing with them head on and that was one common thing each therapist touched on. So looks like I have more to tackle on my road to being a better person but I will get there! Thank you again for the advice and kind support.

...and thanks for your military service, James.

Best!

keep reaching out
it will be hard and painful even to come to dealing with these issues,
Even seeking a local SA group might help.

you think that you have it under control but you really don't. This is where it starts. You get a kind of "high" while you are doing this. It will eventually not be enough and you will seek a new high and start pushing more boundaries. This is what my husband did. You are an addict. I strongly urge you to see someone.

Sounds like you have been hurt in the past and haven’t recovered from it? The same goes for me, trust issues. But I promise you, the more you keep doing it, the more likely you will want to meet someone in person and have a real affair with her. And then it won’t stop.