Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
If you are reading this, I'm sorry you are here. You must be reeling with sadness and shock.
I am posting to save someone else the heartbreak that I am going through. I was married for 22 years to a serial cheater. I caught him online cheating so many times that I am too ashamed to post the number here. Each time, I heard : "It's just a fantasy...All guys do this...it means nothing...I won't do it again..."
Each time, I raged and wept, believed and forgave. After all, we are supposed to forgive, right? When I said "Til death do us part, I meant it.
Well, I am now a walking consequence to the folly of that. My STBX managed to graduate to a flesh and blood affair...one that has gone on for 4 years. He actually introduced this woman to me, and she pretended to be my friend. He managed to persuade me to cash in my retirement to build a house, meanwhile keeping his own retirement intact. The house is located in the Philippines, where he and she, convinced me that we could live handsomely on his monthly retirement.
I got there and found that the house was in HER name, built in a horrible neighborhood, made with cheap labor, and not even finished. She was to be in charge of overseeing the house. When I demanded explanations, he rushed to her defense. I did some checking and found text messages and pictures that confirmed their affair. God only knows what they had planned for me.
Now I am trying to start my life over. I have tried for 6 months now to get hired (I am a teacher, but I have worked overseas for 6 years.) I have no savings, nor retirement, but family is a wonderful thing; I am staying with a relative, have been given a vehicle, and they see to it that my needs are met. I can't afford a good lawyer yet, but when I get hired, it's my first priority. I hope my life gets better. I am interviewing a lot and praying,too.
Advice: an online affair should NOT be explained away or ignored. If your spouse does this, get them to a counselor or get them gone. You don't want to end up like me: 22 years wasted with nothing to show for it but tears.
His life will be horrid with that woman and well deserved. Just work on rebuilding your life and find peace. Will keep you in my prayers.
it messes with your own self image, since you love and value them...it must be that you are somehow not worth the same
i think thats the worst part of betrayal, take my $, take my stuff, try and take my kids ---(thankfully kids too smart & aware), take my trust in others, and worst of all, my trust in myself
you'll be okay, you'll realize that you are who you were (with some weathering), you are genuine, worthy of trust in yourself
The first 4-5 months after I looked at everyone differently. Wondering what type of evil things or cheating they may have done under the guise of a decent person. It took a while for that to fade back to reality.
The reality is that people are all capable of terrible things. Half the people will cheat, some will rape, and some will murder. At the same time everyone puts on a mask to some degree to hide who they really are.
The trick is to not pre-judge everyone but at the same time realize that people are not always what they seem and blind trust in people is a bad idea.