Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I just found out Friday that my h has been adding random women on fb and trying to get to know them better, but only online. Has not gone further.
I told him that to me it is cheating, in my book, to delete them all and stop or we are through, AFTER almost 29 years of marriage.
I found out last night that he exchanged phone numbers with at least one.
He is mad at me because we talked before I found out the additional info and we were going to work things out. He told me to stop dwelling on it and let it go because he has stopped.
Is this a red flag?????
Please help.
You need to look objectively at what is going on: He is cheating. If he has not had physical contact with any of these sluts yet, so what? He is still cheating. BUT just the fact that he has exchanged phone numbers with one of them, that you know about, means he is planning on screwing her and lying some more to you. In whose world is this acceptable?
Of course he wants you to stop dwelling on it. He wants things to back to where they were - you in the dark and him sneaking around trying to find a woman to screw.
What you need to do is get to a lawyer a.s.a.p. Do not tell him! Get your financials in order. After all these years of marriage you probably are entitled to permanent alimony. And social security. You have rights.
Where is his remorse? What efforts is he making to reassure you? Has he given you access to his phone? How about his passwords? Has he deleted his FB page?
You cannot save your marriage all by yourself. But he can and has destroyed it all by himself. Yes, that sucks. But that's what has happened.
Cheaters cheat because they want to. It has nothing to do with you. You cannot stop him. Cheaters are very sneaky. What they do understand is
consequences. So decide what you want to do. Talking to a lawyer will help you. Maybe a therapist if you can find a good one.
Your H should go to a therapist. If he doesn't, then he has no plans to stop what he's doing. Forget about marriage counseling. Cheaters just lie and try to look good in front of the MC.
I am sure others will weigh in here and offer their insights. I know how much this hurts. Be strong. If he sees you as being weak, he will just take advantage of you. He knows what he is doing is wrong.
Second, reaching out to women whether through FB, twitter, Skpe or at a coffee shop is still reaching out to women. Just because he is not having a physical relationship with these women doesn't mean he is not having a emotional relationship. Besides the fact that when you are trying to date, what is the first thing you do? Reach out to someone and talk with the hopes that it will evolve from there.
Also, he's mad because he feels you are limiting him. An ultimatium is really an ending.
You have received lots of good advise... someone that gets mad at you for their actions is probably hiding more (I know this from previous experience)
He needs to be transparent and humble
this overreacting will drive him away from you.
We are not in an arranged marriages and have no say how we are treated. We expect to be respected. Yes, hooking up online is CHEATING
The boundary is easy to define. If you wouldn't say the same things to a friend of the opposite sex of your attraction....then it is cheating.