Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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hyperlost 02/18/2011

so two months since d day. It has come out that my wife has had 3 events, a one night stand with an x two years ago, a sexting affair with her boss 3 months ago and a full on affair with a coworker ending two months ago. She put me through hell with the lies and i am the type that wanted details. the last lie found out about sexual details was a week ago. I am sure she is not telling me everything. However she has gone from not knowing if she loves me to wanting to make our marriage work. I have to say that this does not have a lot to do with me. She started seeing a personal counseler in addition to our couples tharapy. That changed everything very rapidly, her counseler somehow brought her out of the fog quickly. As for revenge this guy I cought and called, he threatened me and then backed down. I asked my wife to go talk to his girlfriend, I found out about while investigating him and see if she would help us to see if he had kept the sexting pictures. She found out that this girl was engaged to him and he lived with her. And the nice cars ans such that he had were hers. She dumped his ass and kicked him out Yaa! we then found out that this guy had places to live and girls all over ( he is a long haul truck driver). although this is gratifying i still want to see him face to face. I wont beat a cowering dog but i would love to see what it would take to get him to take a polk at me. In any case I worked so hard to try to save my marraige for my kids. And I do love my wife and family situation. and my counseler has helped me to see that my interpersonal relationships are more important than career goals. All this is great I am going to end up a better father and person out of this. The problem is I can never see trusting my wife again and I am giving it time but I really just want to divorse her and move on. At least thats how I feel right now. She really does not seem to get what she has done> If i try to let her know she always just brings up when I cheated on her with an ex befor we were married. Which I admit was horrible. But I don't think compares to what I am dealing with(not to discount her feelings) but we are 8 years away from that married with 3 children. Anyhow I think people can change as I have never cheated on her and really believe in the sanctity of marriage. Just confused I guess!

deleted_user 02/18/2011

I am confused too. My problem goes very deep with my husband now, and I feel divorce is my only option. After all the hurt, pain, and daily torture my children and I have been through, I feel it's best to let the cheating spouse deal with their demons on their own. I tried to stand by his side through most of it, but it comes down to me and how I want to feel and live the rest of my life. Sure, the cheater may change and never do it again, but when there are multiple times there is a deeper problem then just cheating. They are emotionally a mess. I find myself realizing my husband never valued marriage. He felt as if we could just break up, and when he gets sick of the other woman he may come back when he pleases. NO WAY! We as parents have to set the right example for our children. Choosing to let other men and women into our families is wrong. When will they realize all this energy they put into the affair should be going into their family? I will be thinking of you, I hope you will find the right path to take.

deleted_user 02/18/2011

I believe one needs to weigh each situation on it's own merits (or lack of). Why did your spouse cheat? What was missing from your marriage? What caused her to step out? Was she depressed? Is she still depressed? Too many questions to figure it out. I think the biggest question is Would she ever do it again? If yes, then get out. If not, then work on what lead to that and fix it.

Lstecker 02/18/2011

(deep breath here) Doesnt this shit suck?

Do yourself a favor and take some time here. For yourself. To regroup. No good decisions come in haste. And this decision is huge.

Take all factors into account. How is your life with her with the affair out of the equation? Just remove that. Take a look at the marriage without it. Are you always fighting? No common goals? No common moral ground? Agree on family issues? What to do with free time? All of that? If you are disagreeing about every basic issue, small issues, how can you agree on HUGE issues like fidelity? See my point?

Do you have a solid foundation to build on or is she just an asshole?

Be honest with yourself.

Sending you support. You are not sure if you want a cheater now? Hell, no one wants a cheater. Question is - is she done with the cheating or not already?

L~

deleted_user 02/18/2011

Living with a serial cheater-NOPE. NO CAN DO!

I can understand your stance.

Living with her would be like waiting for the other shoe to drop. You and your kids deserve better than that.

My thoughts-she has taken up enough of your precious time.

Sending you support!

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