Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Magola 12/31/2017

So it seems my husbands ability for remorse and responsibility had a short shelf life. I knew he wasn't really remoreseful, but I went with it, because my brain was so jumbled about who this person was. I was really aiming at that 6 month mark, to be thoughful about such a big life decision. I feel like there were changes on my part, to try and understand. I was truly hoping we would be an Esther Perrel couple that made it through. I know now that it was only me changing. He lives in this world, where cheating is completely justified by the thought that I never lose a fight (his words not mine). It's true that when you find out, you only know a small percentage of the betrayal that lies ahead of you. On Christmas Eve I found a search for "hookers and blow" and I also found a couple of hotel reciepts, from far before this affair took place. We had a blow up argument about it, and again this affair is alllll my fault. I took my kids to see some family for a few days and when I returned, I knew punishment was headed my way. How did I ever marry this person? Who is he? He disappeared last night, yet to be heard from. Instead of imploding like I have done the past few times he disappeared, I sat down in it. I have the truly unique gift of knowing who he is. I feel relieved that he's gone. I feel relieved that he continually shows me what kind of person he is. It makes me realize there is no hope in saving this relationship. Instead of feeling hopeless though, I feel like I can heal. I can heal knowing that I did what I needed to do. Healing in knowing he continues down the same path, not mine. So I'm here with my 2 babies. We're warm on this ridiculously cold day. We're together and that's what matters. Daddy disappeared, but Mom always shows up.

So I'm hopeful going into this new year. I'm hopeful that I can become whole again. I'm hopeful that my home will be calm and happy without him here. I'm hopeful that I can begin again. I'm hopeful that I will find someone in the future that loves and respects me. I'm proud that I'm not sticking around for more punishment, and I hope one day my son and daughter will know that their mom didn't put up with it. So I'm sad, but hopeful.

betrayedtodeath 12/31/2017

Esther Perel is an ass. (She’s not even a psychologist) There is nothing glamorous or ok about cheating, as we here all know too well. He has shown you who he really is and now you believe. Do not for one single second accept his blameshifting that this is your fault. Straight out of the Cheaters handbook. Be the sane parent for your children, as you have always done. I wish you freedom and peace in the new year!

heartache5 12/31/2017

You are a very strong women. Yes it sure helps to see them for who they are repeatedly, It makes it easier to accept the next step to leave. You can hold your head up you, you tried, for urself and for your little ones, this is all on him, he messed up and than again, he had a second chance which is very generous and he blew it. don't ever allow him to say this is your fault, its his.
You sound like a wonderful strong person. you got this and you're on the path of healing. Your life can only get better from here. Hugs and I wish you a happy new start of 2018 with your little ones and hopefully your family around for support. Stay strong.

pfrey71 12/31/2017

I was going to chime in about Esther Perel but betrayedtodeath beat me to it. I second it. Esther Perel is an ass.

Whatever b.s. he told you about why he's a cheater is just that....total and utter b.s. They can create such fantasies to justify the behavior but those fantasies are not based in reality. One of the excuses I heard was that I fart too much. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Like hookers don't fart.

The point of my rambling is this. Don't take his excuses to heart. They're not real. They're based on the desperate imagination of a little boy who never grew up.

refurb 01/01/2018

so very glamorous to get tested for stds because the person that took vows to protect you... ahem, well

forwardmotion 01/02/2018

I think the 6 month thing was well intentioned but you had enough proof 2-3 posts ago to realize he is poison.

I hope you do find someone who has character and integrity. Make sure these qualities are at the top of the priority list for the next man in your life.

stayingpositive 01/04/2018

I am where you are exactly. He kept pulling me back in and then taking no action and making no effort to work on things. Then the blaming started again. I would bring up his actions and remind him of the damage he caused and he would just quit instead of saying- I understand I hurt you and I will fight every day to earn your trust back. No empathy for how he hurt me and if I am not some fake/positive person who is somehow super hopeful, he just quits. Most days I would be positive and hopeful, but when I have a bad moment and vent- he just runs away- who the hell does that? Clear evidence he has no intention of doing the work necessary for repair the marriage. I have to let it go and it causes me so much sadness that this is how a marriage over 16 years ends with a child.

Magola 01/04/2018

Staying positive. Yes, I think with my CS he just wishes it would go away. Like it was a tiny blip on the map, let's move on already. I completely understand that push and pull you're talking about. I think the hardest realization for me was to know he doesn't love me enough to fight for our marriage. Such damage they can't even see.

stayingpositive 01/05/2018

Exactly and I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing those words: he does not love enough to fight for this- something I felt all along but hoped and hoped he would feel. Frankly, not sure if he is capable of feeling enough love for anyone but himself, so he can victimize someone else while I move on and find peace. We seem at the same place in our relationship. I feel overwhelmed and scared, but it is better than this back and forth and more lies. He finally did enough damage and enough is enough. Send me a msg if you want to chat and vent.

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