Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Ashlee
Ashlee

long story short, married 12 years, husband has cheated more than once, always sorry when caught. I just found a porn site he's on and he created a profile of himself (he cut his head off but I've seen the photo before, his naked torso) "seeking women". Can't tell if he has found any but am really at a loss. How many of you actually succeed in keeping your marriage together with this type of thing. It seems like he does this stuff to chase some kind of thrill and feel powerful but I'm at such a loss of this new low I'm not sure what to do?

betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
First, assume he has cheated on you physically (recently). Get tested for STDs ASAP. Cheaters never change unless they decide to abide by the boundaries you spell out for them AND go to individual counseling to figure out why they are doing this. Please get individual counseling for yourself. You need support right now. Consulting a lawyer is an option. You can't fix him. Only he can do the work on himself and only if he wants to. So far he's been happy having his cake and eating it too. Set concrete boundaries and expectations and stop giving him cake (look up "the 180"). If he refuses or balks, prepare to walk. They're always sorry when they're caught. Promises are easy to make, harder to keep.
klm747
klm747
Wow, nail on the head BTD. I can fluff it up a little bit, but that's some straight talk for straight understanding. Good luck to you Ashlee.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I'm sorry you are in this situation. It doesn't sound like he's truly sorry for being caught in the past. I would be tempted to join the site and create a fake profile to contact him, to see for yourself the depths of his dalliances.

You ask: how many of us have succeeded in keeping a marriage together with this sort of thing. I would say that it all depends on how you define success. Keeping a marriage together with a husband who cheats regularly, and being able to maintain the marriage, is not my version of success. You may be experiencing co-dependency, and currently not in a place where you can see the forest for the trees. If your decision is to stay with him, regardless of his actions, becoming less dependent on him may give you the strength and insight to make informed decisions going forward.

I wish you well my dear.