I'm sorry you find yourself here and for what has happened to you. You are in good company though. I'm dealing with 30 years of my H cheating (emotional, virtual, physical), the lying blameshifting and gaslighting. However he is in IC, is remorseful, transparent, and is working hard to reconcile and save the marriage. I watch, wait, remain hopeful but realistic. Time will tell.

Sometimes knowing the details causes more pain. Time heals. Are you seeing a therapist? I have found that the more details I know have translated to more triggers as I know too much. My 1st (Official) D-Day anniversary is in two weeks and finding it more painful as I relive those days leading up to it. Married for 22-years when Discovered that my W was cheating with a long time family friend (and her boss) and she was practically a daughter to his wife. So it was an Ultimate Betrayal for his wife and myself. Funny the day before I caught them - she said I was a beautiful and wonderful man... I am still there for my kids (Youngest graduates in June) and she is not trying to help me heal or work for the marriage - just tells me to get over it and move on (will not go to therapy nor read anything about affairs). Lately she has been verbally/emotionally abusing me and the kids (and then tells us she loves us and acts kind for a while). I am just trying to hold on and keep it together so my daughter can focus on school and graduate... then I feel will have no choice but to file for D and "move on".

Ugh, Jeepman welcome to the group and sorry you are here too. Living in limbo is going to be hard, and no you don't ever "just get over it". I hope you can get some individual counseling for yourself and please get tested for STDs (I keep bring this up over and over but it is SO important). I know what you mean about the details and triggers. For me personally, the NOT-knowing stress was going to kill me and I had all kinds of whacko physical symptoms from the stress. The-knowing also sucks, as I'm pretty certain I have PTSD from all the years of mind f-ing in combination with really unfortunate childhood sexual abuse...wait, lets call that what it really is. Rape. Anyway, get lots of support for yourself as you try to make it to June. Maybe consult a lawyer now to see what you can do to protect your assets that she has joint access to. Many people going over the edge on a crazy train wipe out their joint funds or go on massive shopping sprees when they know they plan to exit the marriage.

Yes, my husband was a fan of prostitutes too. I did the same for one prostitute in particular I found out he spent some time with - called her up - it is amazing to me how they justify completely what they do. Her response was "You don't understand. He adores you"...really? Oh my goodness, I went bananas on the phone! Unfortunately, there will always be women out there willing to disrespect their own bodies in this way, as well as inadvertently cause pain and hurt (not to mention take finances away from a family - prostitutes are not cheap!). Please do not take his behavior personally as if you've done something to push him to the cheating. Betrayed to death is right...get tested for STD's...so important. Begin building your independence if you can - financially and emotionally. Once you feel stable you can begin to make decisions as to whether you stay or not. Take care of yourself first!

Where are you with all of this now Kathleen?