Married 30 years...H cheated in 2018-2019...D-day was October 14, 2020.  Still together but hanging on by a thread. Help!

We are childhood sweethearts.  Got married, had three kids and we had more love for each other than I ever thought was possible.  My H has always been a flirt, but I never once thought it was anything but innocent.  I was his Dream Girl! 

In 2017, he joined a motorcycle club. Our kids were grown and we decided that it was time.  I loved seeing how happy he was on the bike with all the guys.  I lived to make him smile. 

A year later, the club was going to Arizona for Bike Week.  I was sick so I couldn't go but I made my H go because he works so hard and he deserved a break from us and the bills and work.  He left on April 12, 2018.  I received loving texts and calls every day but one (which was super strange).  He came home April 19.  That's when things were getting weird...

1.  The week he came home, he found an excuse to go out every day/night (never did that in 25 years)

2.  Putting hearts on some young girl's FB pics...yet completely ignoring mine (again, not my husband)

3.  That Saturday he was at the club until 7am! (NEVER did that before) and the next Sat, out until 5:30am

4.  The following Monday, I received a text 3 hours after he was supposed to be home from work. In the text he told me he wasn't happy,        he wasn't in love with me, this marriage isn't working, I don't go places with him, I don't show I love him and he wants more out of          life before he dies.  He told me that he was moving out and staying with his buddy for a while to figure things out and he didn't want          me to contact him anymore.  I literally thought my heart was going to stop. 

5.   I texted and called every day and he was so cruel (Now I knew this was a stranger.  My H never once hurt me)

6.   A few weeks later he came home and asked if he could stay.  I said yes.  He ended up sleeping on the couch for two months saying            he wanted to take things slow. 

7.    I knew something was going on but denied it because I knew my H would never cheat on me.  He was the most loyal, moral, loving           and stand-up man I've ever known.  I banished that idea from my head (I was so dumb!)  He did tell me that he and that 29y old             girl were just friends...absolutely nothing more.  DUM DUM BELIEVED HIM

8.    For the next year and a half I was Inspector Gadget. One day, I found it.  The proof that he had been lying to me this whole time. I           went on his phones GPS and saw that he was living with that girl the whole time he was gone and when he was leaving the          house after returning from his trip, he was at her house every day.

9.    No. No. No. I'm dreaming. When my H came down the stairs, I calmly told him that I knew. His response was this..."Yea, I fucked           her. So what! Don't go blaming her either. She did nothing wrong. She is a nice girl".  WOW! No "I'm sorry" or "I love you"           or "please don't leave me".  NOTHING.  He didn't shed a single tear or show any emotion. Not one drop of sympathy for what he did         to me. I was frozen and all I could do was try to keep breathing. 

10.   THE LIES BEGIN. Every story, answer, explination he told me were all lies.  I had to actually contact her to get the truth. Found out          that after a week, he told her he loved her, wanted kids with her, asked her to marry him.  He said we have been separated for                  years. He called me fat, ugly, bitch.  He showed her my texts and they laughed at me after listening to my voice mails begging him             to come home. (He humilliated me and turned me into nothing but a joke).  He took her to the club and to the bars acting like a              couple...in front of MY FRIENDS!  He only came back home because they were having an argument and he left, thinking she would            beg him to come back.  She didn't. She asked for her key back and now he had no choice but to move back home. But he had to              pretend he loved me and that's why he came home. I've asked for details over this past year and all I get is "I don't remember"             or some insane lie or story he made up.  NEVER THE TRUTH. 

11.    I find another new detail that he "forgot" to tell me almost every other week. This week I was looking at the GPS from early 2019             and I found 2 hotel stays, 4 overnights at places I didn't recognize, hours on the phone just driving around, etc.  Was he back with             her (btw, she got married and had a kid since their affair and isn't interested in him) or is there another person or even multiple               people? I know he will never tell me the truth and I don't think I have the energy to dig and dig for another 2 years.  What should I           do? 

Well, that's actually the short version.  I'm afraid another D-day will kill me...unless it comes from his mouth.  He's so selfish and cowardly (again, not the man I married) that I know he won't tell me the truth no matter what I say or do.  

Do I just forget that he was in love with someone and I'm not allowed to know any details and now I have to just accept that he was still a POS and what he did is none of my business? 

I need advice.  Thank you and God bless