Is he in any sort of therapy? I would not be surprised to find out he's been abused as a child (pure speculation on my part). If he is truly bipolar, and an alcoholic, and you fear his temper...I would highly recommend that you find a safe place hopefully you have family or close friends you could stay with for a while? Once you've made some sort of arrangements, then contact him and set some ground rules - he needs to go to therapy, and hopefully he gets himself to a point in which marriage counseling would benefit you both. Right now, I just don't know that MC can help - it sounds like he's not emotionally/mentally able to fully engage in MC, and is failing miserably on his own in committing to you. Are you absolutely sure you can't make it on your own? I know when the possibility of divorce starts rearing its ugly head, it's immediately followed with all of the worst things that could happen to you and your children...but, there are resources out there, and consulting with an attorney about possibly getting spousal support while separated may not be a fruitless endeavor. If you absolutely can't leave, I still recommend you push for therapy and eventually counseling for you both. Do it in a public place if you feel you may set him off. Stay strong...

Run now! I wasted 15 years taking care of my bipolar husband and how did he thank me: an affair in the most cruel heartless way ever. Being a cheater is bad enough, a cheater with bipolar is a nightmare on a whole other level, the mood swings, the verbal tirades, the "I love you" one monte to "I hate you" the next is a craziness no one u deist ands until they live it. Find a shelter and run, it may be difficult but it's the first step in putting this behind you. I've been there, I get it, so sorry you are living it, hugs.

i come from a very dysfunctional family with no one to help me. no relationship with them for the most part and they are 1000 miles away anyways. just started church so maybe i will meet someone. welfare on my state closed their section 8 cause too many people are already on it. i already asked them and they said they cant help with housing. the nearest homeless shelter is an hour away. very rural here. they wont help with anything unless i have been destitute for at least 6 months because of how much money on our taxes last year. not low income but not middle income enough to be well either. divorce will make both of us really poor. i know i cannot make enough to pay for housing around here. i lived in a homeless shelter when i was a kid and a teen for a while when my father was put in prison. it is a scary place to me. maybe scarier than staying here.. we have a cheap house and mortgage but i dont know if a judge would let me keep it and try to figure out a way to pay for it. VT is a no fault divorce state and usually everything is 50/50 here regardless of anything. i know of a trashy mom who wrecked her car high and drunk with her kids and she still gets 50 custody though the dad begged them not to. he always worries for their safety with her. my man's mom has money and will help him,not me if I leave. i think she knew or suspected he was gay and didnt tell me cause she hoped i could change him.

i feel like she is subtly manipulating and blackmailing me into staying with her son. she reminds me of how i will have nothing and no family anymore if i leave him to scare me.

but as long as i stay she will pay our mortgage for us every month since his drinking makes us to poor to pay all our bills. she said she put up with her man cheating and gambling and drinking and that he eventually changed. she thinks i should too. she is so stupid though. she basically taught her son through her example that he can treat a woman any way he wants and the woman will put up with it. she is also dumb cause i know for a fact that her man still looks for hookups on craigslist behind her back. he didnt delete all his history when i borrowed their computer once. he didnt change..

i know i will be homeless or dirt poor if i leave and still have to have joint custody. that is why its scary.

How about a free consultation with a divorce and family lawyer just to see what options you might have but not be aware of?

And if you stay for now, will he do IC?

i dont think he will do anything to help or like counseling or anything. i already had him say no to it when i asked. i will look for a free consult lawyer though soon . just feel paralyzed like I can barely make a decision right now. just really depressed and afraid of poverty.

Get the free legal consultation. It will be a hard thing to do, but you need to know what your options are. Can you start moving money into an account of your own or does he control/monitor finances? I've been steadily moving money the past few months bc I'm in charge of the banking.

he is in charge of his and i am in charge of mine. i had been helping some with my measley check to pay some bills. but now i am not. he is upset i am keeping my money from him. i only have $300. and my muffler on my car is about to fall off so i have to fix it. it seems there is my car payment or always a car repair or lessened hours at work.. something always hindering me from the amount i thouvht i would have saved by now. but i am trying. no credit cards or savings account. poor here. i might have to keep being fake nice until our tax refund comes in March. if i can hold out til then i will have $3000 i can whisk away. i do the taxes. so i can make it go to my account and let him think it is going to his. this makes me so sad. he always says he is sorry and doesnt want to hurt me and that he cant live without me. but he just wont change. he is two different people in one. and i cant stand the bad side anymore no matter how he apologizes. he needs to get counseling and quit drinking and maybe that will help him with his issues. but i dont have the strength to try to save him anymore. it is suffocating me. my teenagers from my other exhusband cant stand him. they wont even live half time they are supposed to be with me cause of him.

Oh my… You have your hands full and are in a very sad, tough position. I assume that you have no one not even family? You are smart for not saying anything. He could snap on you if he finds out you know so much more than he is telling you. No matter how mad you get don't ever say anything. Its so terrible when we have children and are in miserable scary positions and can't leave. I know all to we'll about being in this type of situation. I will be praying for you

No, no family. My father just got out of prison in NC for raping a 14 year old, my mother is on drugs.. I have no relationship with them. Brother in prison. I am the 'white sheep'. of the family. I moved 1000 miles away years ago. My exhusband is sympathetic as is his mom and brother but they have not offerred to help. At least we are somewhat friends. We divorces 9 years ago and tried to forgive each other and be nice. I just went to counseling with a local pastor of a cburxh I started going to to make them aware of my situation. Hopefully if I go awhile someone will help.