I completely understand. It’s the most horrible feeling when the one person you love so much has so little respect for you.
About your birthday, my anniversary was November 16th and my husband brought me home a card and a plant and before he came home to me, he had been talking to her!!!
So I completely understand... also, mid October me husband convinced me to quit my job to be a stay at home mommy and the literally 3 weeks later has his affair and leave me and our 15 month old and 5 month old... I’m about to be evicted as I can’t pay the rent... so devastated as well.
I have been trying to lean on whoever will listen and help me, as I’m sure they’re getting tired of it.

You are in a tough spot having to choose to live with your husband or be homeless.

I would suggest getting a full time job, saving money then moving out if you can stomach being around him.

You need to become more self sufficient emotionally and financially.

You love him a lot more than he you. He only loves himself like most cheaters.
I m glad to hear that you want to move on as hard as that decision is. This man is poison and he will never be faithfully or honest to you. He won't change there's no point in trying again he will just crush ur self confidence untill there's nothing left of you.
Ur in a tough spot. If course you can't be homeless. If I may suggest maybe for the next few weeks start putting money aside for urself. Not sure if you have a job but if not take anything u can get for now. Look into subsidised living options and hopefully within a few weeks you can leave and start a new life without this cheater. And please get STD tested and don't have sex with him . And don't ever allow him to make you doubt this is ur fault. It's not it's 100 percent his choice to cheat and keep cheating

Thanks everyone. I had a management job but he asked me to quit it last year. I was recently offered another position, for less pay and part time hours, if I want to come back as my spot has been filled. My car is currently broke down and won't be repaired until after Christmas, so I'm stuck with not working until then because he needs the other vehicle.

Our anniversary was Nov. 22 and we didn't do anything or exchange gifts at all. I was told we would be doing dinner, but that didn't happen either. Guess I shouldn't have expected better on my birthday.

Even if I had a full time job, we'd have to sell the house because we are still making mortgage payments on it. Which means repairing some simple stuff, replacing carpets, etc. So there's that financially too.

You own a house with him? put it up for sale with the issues in it, who cares, as long as it sells, you can take ur share and leave, or he can buy you out, up to him. I know its really really hard decision, but you are finding excuses. if you have no car, find a job closer to home, or take public transport or the bike. If he asked you to quit ur job that's very odd, did he wanted you to be dependant on him? concerning. repair ur car tomorrow on ur creditcard. I know its easy from talking from the outside, but you need to take ur life in ur own hands, now he's ruling you and every aspect of you, he knows you wont leave because he made you completely financially dependant of him. Of course there was no anniversary dinner, you are not his number 1, he cheats, hes his only number one, he rather goes out cheating than buying you a dinner.
Take the parttime job and take another second parttime job, take public transport there or find a way to share the car or have ur car repaired tomorrow. If you had a nice job offer don't let ut flow just because of a transport issue.
Hes breaking all ur self-esteem don't allow him, be strong and take matters in ur own hand, you don't need him, you are more than capable of making ur own money.
If your married a divorce would entitle you to some sort of alimony I assume and put the house up for sale if its partially in ur name.
Good luck, take care of urself, cause he wont take care of you

It's good that you have equity in the house. This makes leaving much easier but I would settle the job situation before breaking it to him.

Consult a lawyer as heartache says as you may be able to get alimony as well.

You need to be single minded in your goals and not sidetracked by excuses as Heartache was alluding to.

Have you considered going to a battered women's shelter and just telling them what they need to hear in order to get yourself in? The loneliness will still be there with you too. What do you think you can do while you are still home for your self to prepare you for moving out? Could you try to get a part time job or volunteer somewhere first?

The house was purchased as a fixer upper and is in need of some repairs before we could sell it, or we won't get what we paid for it back. I'm not comfortable lying about being a DV situation. I grew up in a DV household and I don't want to take a position from someone who is in dire need.

Don't have a credit card to get the car repaired. Going to see what's hiring within walking distance, but there isn't much. I can't take the job offer from my old job as it is minimum wage and between lunches and gas to get there (it's some distance away) I won't make anything. My old position was in management and I had more hours and made higher pay.

Depending on what he makes you may also be entitled to alimony.

He gets VA/military disability which can't be split into alimony checks..

He still can be ordered to pay alimony.

That may or may not be true. It is by state and sometimes length of marriage. Usually 10 years is enough but maybe 7.5 years is enough. Perhaps a period of separation will count towards.

Try a free consultation.

You realm are in a tough spot, I see that. Could you share the other car with your husband? Drop him off then you go to work? Any friends or family you could stay with until you get on your feet? I worry for you that you are lying down in victim land. You have control if you want it. Don't let him control your life. Finances and blame shifting are a great way to keep you in victim land. If you live him and want to work things out, he needs to be on the same page. It sounds more like you're opening yourself up to further abuse though. I hope you find some peace. There's always a way out though and I believe you can find it.