Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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need your opinions pleaz

ItalianQueen
ItalianQueen
approx 3 years ago my H had multiple one nite stands, i know one of them was twice with the same woman...i know she was 19...and what state she lives in.....I never asked him for any of there names on d-day 2 years ago...... my question is,i choose to block all this out in the beginning of reconciliation, do i really need to know there names now???? i would really like to make sure he didnt get any of these women pregnant,because im sure you can imagine that is my worst fear...sittin at home with MY 2 kids and getting a knock on the door....I mean if you got preggo at 19 with a strangers baby whom you didnt have a phone number for, would you keep the baby?? would you track him down to tell him???these are the questions that creep into my brain every so often.......so what do you guys think???? try to forget and block it all out????? or go balls to the wall and get my heartbroken and get more triggers than i already have by getting all the gorry details??? thanks in advance..........Ps he admitted to not using protection with all of them and we have both already been tested and came back clean....but that still does not rule out any babies!!!!!! idk if any of these women even knew i existed,he has given me conflicting stories about this,and i havent pressed the issue cause its all just to painfull..and i am trying to forgive and forget..
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know for me I had to know ALL the details. Not at the start, it repulsed me even knowing they did it, but it got the better of me and I wanted to know where they did it, when and how often, even what the sex was like (ie: was it better than the sex we had). For some obscure reason, it really did help and he had no understanding of that and the more he said, the more nervous he got because he thought he was hurting me even more, but I needed to grasp onto any little detail to complete the puzzle in my head and start peicing it all together. He was very compliant and answered any question I had which personally, really did help me. Now that I've got past that bit, I have been able to move on. 'Im not saying this will be the same for you as this happened so long ago, so yes, I would imagine if you start asking now that it would bring up the pain again. But it could also be a block and maybe you need to know the gory details to help you get past this and on to the next stage. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, I agree you need to get all the information you need so as not to have the *unknowns* swirling around in your head forever, but I think your H is the one who needs to either provide that info for you, or find out that information himself. And I think you need to call him out on the *conflicting* stories -- what's he holding back?

I can't say for sure what I'd do if I was 19 and pregnant by a complete stranger, but I would think he would have heard from her already if she had gotten pregnant and decided to keep it -- I would think she'd want child support unless she's wealthy enough to raise a child by herself, which I tend to doubt.

All in all I think the inconsistencies of his story is what's bothering you, perhaps more so than the angst of wondering whether he fathered a child.

Bottom line, I think, is you two have some more talking to do.