Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hey, I'm new to this website, so hopefully I'm doing this right. My name is Nathan, I'm 33 years old, and a pilot in the USAF. My wife finally admitted to being in an affair about 3 1/2 weeks ago, so everything is still very fresh. What makes this situation unique is that I also cheated on my wife 9 times over the course of about 3 years. I stopped about 2 years ago. However, she did not know about my affairs (and I say affairs, but they were always one-time deals with prostitutes, massage parlors, and just 3 "normal" girls"), when she had an affair on me. So when she elected to have an affair, it was under the assumption that I had never cheated on her.
Right now, I'd like someone to talk to who has had a very similar experience as mine, preferable a guy. My wife is extremely good-looking, and I am also pretty handsome. I don't say that to brag or anything, just to connect with someone with similar circumstances. Right now, I am struggling big time with drinking a bunch and facing tormenting thoughts of her and the other guy having sex together for the past few months. How do I get through this without drinking or medications? I can't take meds because I'm a pilot in the Air Force, but these thoughts are tormenting.
Another thing that makes my situation unique is that we're both Christians, and I really want reconciliation with my wife instead of divorce. I'm in such great pain. I get attacked all day and night with very tormenting thoughts, and don't know what to do about them. I've tried reaching out to Jesus, but His help isn't very helpful right now, at least. I want to be healed mentally right now in order to get me through life without drinking and dipping and smoking, because all those things are starting to be very destructive on my body.
Is there anyone out there who has been through a very similar situation, ended up reconciling with his wife, and is able to talk to me throughout the day as I try to survive these first few weeks? I'm desperate and feel very alone and like no one really knows the agonizing pain what I'm going through, because their situation is not as severe as mine. I really want some help, and need to feel loved, protected, safe, hopeful, and really need to know what to expect and how to deal with such torment in the future.
Thanks guys! I really appreciate this support network!!
-Nate
This seems as simple as saying you had it coming to you; karma and all that. Of course, that doesn't help if you're hurting, confused and suffering from inescapable thoughts and confusion.
Therapy is a good place for you to start. You should go yourself and also possibly to marital counseling too. Good luck.
cmon, man each of you gave up the other, is that what you do to your wingman?
get counseling, own your shit,
ask her to go to couples counseling, air out the shit
it is a mess, that can be dealt with, cleaned and forgiven of each other
good uck
12 years ago my husband was unfaithful while we were engaged. I didn't find out about it until a few years later when the girl approached me to tell me she wanted to be with him. I was devastated and the pain has lingered ever since!! Unfortunately, despite swearing I would never do such a thing to someone I loved...... I wound up being unfaithful this past year. I reconnected with an old boyfriend who I care deeply for and it felt so nice to be sought after again. After 11 years of marriage, full time jobs, kids and all that comes with all that...:: my husband and I drifted apart and grew apart. I can honestly say for me, the pain of cheating was worse than being cheated on! I fell is such deep despair and was able to find such comfort and support in this very site to get me through the toughest days.
Know that you are not alone and there are people on here who will welcome you with grace and forgiveness. I hope that you do find some peace and get through this stronger and wiser. Regardless of your wife knowing or not knowing about the affair doesn't change the fact that you have been unfaithful to her too. Ask yourself what it is you are looking for with others and talk openly with your wife about what you need from her. Go to counseling together and build your relationship going forward on trust, honesty and mutual respect. I thankfully have a husband who was willing to stay with me after hearing about my affair but counseling and a LOT OF COMMUNICATING is what has helped us get through this!
I will pray that God brings healing and love into your hearts!!!!
I don't know why you were cheating 9 times. She cheated out of loneliness you think? Christian? You were cheating on her with prostitutes. Come on now.
I think you've got to come clean about your nine times and see from there if this marriage can be saved. Give her the chance to sit and think about all 9 times you have cheated like you're thinking about her 1 time. Ego remember. Our ego's can be nothing but trouble to our lives if we don't put them in check.