Sadly, I've been down this road before. When my first child was about 6 months old, I received a call from my husband's AP. I was devastated. We went to counseling, he made changes, I forgave, I got over it. We moved on. We moved cities. We've had more children and comfortable life. The changes did not last and he slipped into the more distant role with less and less communication and participation Our sex life has been non existent for a long time. The last time we tried, he had issues so I thought it was a problem for him and never pursued it further. Overall, he is a difficult person to deal with. This may sound one-sided, but it's true. Impatient, short-tempered, and inflexible. I've had difficulty staying attracted to him bc he was so hard to get along with. I still love him and our family, but I think we were both in the friend zone in terms of our sex life. In terms of family life, I feel as though my h has honestly given about 50%. On any given day, he might earn a B or C as a partner and dad while I think, in terms of chores, parenting, helping, consideration, and kindness, I'm an A/B student. Again, not trying to be one sided, just taking an honest assessment that I'm fairly sure he'd agree with. Additionally, on days when his temper ignites, well he doesn't hit, but his words and nonverbals are very hard for me and for my kids. Fast forward to recent shelter in place, he appeared depressed, angry, drinking all the time. He came clean on Saturday after I found a withdrawal for a large sum of money he gave AP. I'm devastated again. I guess I didn't think that after all the pain and work of the first time, we would be in this situation again. I also feel that with a pervasive pattern of cheating (haven't asked all details about how long and how many different partners bc I can't handle that right now) this marriage is unsalvageable. Additionally, as I said before, he is a difficult person. But something in me can't let go of my dream for my kids and now that he is back to earth, it feels so good to have him back, solicitous, emotional, warm, and connected, but it probably won't last. Just need some words of wisdom or encouragement. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I am so tired of thinking about this. My poor kids are watching their mother fall apart. I thought that this time would be easier and sometimes it is. I know I've matured since the last time this happened, but I'm also older with gray hair and feel less attractive than ever. I've been married for a long time and married young. He's really the only partner I've ever had, he's been my world. Don't want to imagine life without him. Thoughts? Please be gentle I'm quite sad.