Have a read of my post, may help you, may not, I work in IT and always wanted to be a spy, got to the bottom of what was going on in my relationship real quick.

But it's not easy to accept, I still love my wife, but I'm not going to be disrespected or used when she thinks everything is ok and can carry on as normal.

I'm seeing a lawyer tomorrow and then a line will be drawn in the sand and she will know everything I know that will shock her, basically a divorce, no matter how much I love her it's a stab in the back to me and my 2 kids.

I'm not angry about her wanting something else, I'm angry about her not talking to me in the first place... but also, I'm not angry, I'm awesome lol, took a few weeks to get over it, but knowing what was going on helped, beware, it can also rip you apart.

Totally feel your pain...my husband did the same...I confronted the woman when it happen both times. They were having an "emotional affair" and he was hell to live with (emotional roller coaster). Our kids were young...they found out the 2nd time he did it. We went to counseling after the 2nd time ....that lasted about 10 mths then he started to get "distant" again. After another 3 years the sluts husband showed up at our house because he discovered my husband had called his wife 150 times...the slut then confessed to her husband that they were having an affair.....sexual...they had sex in their house, our house and would meet on back roads for some fun! The sluts husband was stunned when I told him it has been going on for 14 years.....not just 1 or 2. So if your wife hasn't had sex with him yet, you need to tell his wife (if he has one) ....this was my mistake...I was afraid to tell the husband because I thought he would dump her and my husband would leave me. I always said it would be a "deal" breaker if my husband had sex with another woman.....but I too love him...I love the person he was BEFORE her. Well he found out the grass isnt greener on the other side of the fence and 18 months later we are still together. I think about it every day BUT it hasn't destroyed me yet (close). We sold our home and I made him change jobs, among many many other things. He can't just leave the house without me or letting me know where and what he's doing. I put a tracker on his phone and can check where he is. Most importantly we go to counseling.....alone & together, sometimes 2x's a week in the beginning phases. We see an older male counselor, so the advice is coming from a man. Also, go to a physician and ask for anti depressants, anxiety meds and/or sleeping pills. All of these things have helped me get through the day. I don't use them as much now. We have also been going to church more often, which we never did in the past. By the way....we have been married 26 years....his interest in the other woman has been 14 of those.....today he shows more respect to me than he has in 20 years. He calls me everyday at lunch time....we kiss every morning before work, after work and at bedtime. I cannot say he is 100% to blame where our marriage went wrong HOWEVER it does not justify him having an affair. So look deep within your self and say....am I doing everything I can to contribute to our marriage.....seek out counseling. If you love her...keep trying....Good Luck