First, have you consulted an attorney? No? NOW. Do it NOW.

Next, unless there is a legal argument to be made for community interest or other such claims, if it is not his cheddar it is the End of That Discussion.

Rebuilding trust takes time. If he wants to know where it is (again assuming he has some claim to it), is let him know it is safe and secure with you. I'd also let him know that while you're rebuilding, he must trust your judgment and decisions. If he balks, then there is something else afoot; he'll claim you don't trust him even after "all he's done". Yup. That's right. All he's done led to your proper decision to take care of you, first.

My best. Keep fighting the good fight.

I could use a lot of prayers. He is now angry at me. I get very nervous when he is mad. I'm not sure how to relieve the anxiety of him being mad.

You said that YOU had some money in an account that he knew about, but had forgotten. Were these joint funds, or your money?

My heart goes out to you because I too used to get anxious when my husband was angry. With some help from a few visits a year to a psychologist for a few years, I have increased a million fold my understanding of both my own emotional responses, and my husband's anger. Now that I understand my husband and his anger much more clearly, my responses are very different and the anxiety I had about the very fact that he was angry is gone. The anxiety that I once suffered from was magnified and much more often in occurrence because I was what some call a woman who loved too much (others, not self). I can say with confidence now that I am out of that frame of mind. It took work and support... hearing my shrink reflect my words back to me and ask just a few very to the point questions of me was very, very effective.

She would likely ask you, why do you feel anxious? Specifically, why, and all of the possible whys. You can send me a private message if you like. Anxiety is a terrible thing. Destructive. Hugs and best wishes.

Also, my husband has cheated on me. I don't know your particular situation so further advice on that topic might not be helpful, depending on your situation. But I will say this: in MY particular case, and maybe not your case, my anxiety about his anger is exactly what allowed him to be not just a cheater, but a serial cheater. A manipulator. In a myriad of ways. That kept me constantly anxious for 12 very long and painful years. I have a high IQ, but I was just blind as a bat and I have paid dearly. I was blinded by my own faith, love and trust, meaning I was actually just very stupid, really. Mostly because I didn't want to let go of that faith, mostly because I wanted to believe that all people operate from the same foundations and principals as do I. I had to learn a very long and very hard lesson. No, they do not. But that was just MY situation. Send me a message if you think you want to hear more or if you think maybe I could help.

I couldn't tell by your post if the money is yours or his. If someone from the bank told him you cashed in the money, I'm assuming you guys are on a joint account. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, "what's mine is yours" in marriage may apply here.

That being said, it seems you're afraid to tell her husband things and have to walk on egg shells around him, when it should be the other way around because HE CHEATED on you. He should be more than understanding of your intentions in taking the money. If I were in your shoes, I would have just said from the beginning "I don't know what's going to happen to us, or if this will work out, so I cashed in the money so I had something to fall back onto." I have a feeling however, his name may be on the bank account. It never plays out nicely when spouses who go through a divorce start taking things from each other, especially money. My suggestion is you get a lawyer, and maybe for the time being, your own bank account.

By the way... go to the bank. The only person who is allowed to look at your bank records is the person who was the teller when you took the money out.
There is a thumb print activated when you open a persons account. Like a medical record. Have them review your account. If any of his friends or FWB works there and they accessed your account just to look around they are in trouble!
If I work at the bank that Donald Trump Banks with I would be in big trouble if I accessed his account just snoop around. They take this very seriously.

And is this a joint account? How do you know he didn't know there was money in that account?

To clarify. This is not a joint account. It is my name only. I had the account before I ever met him, but have added money to it while married. I am reporting this to the bank.

But.....i still have anxiety. I just hate secrets and lies. I have decided to not talk to him about this subject until we are with a pastor or councilor. I am still anxious, but do feel a little better. I need to learn how to respond to his anger and why he reacts in anger to everything. Thanks for your input!!!

He responds in anger because when they are caught cheating, the jig is up and the mask slips. Typically a cheater who has no intention of changing or reconciling will use the following tactics to communicate with (manipulate) their betrayed partner: charm, pity and rage. Its all they know because a puddle doesn't have a great deal of depth.

One reason he would respond with anger to everything is because he finds that this results in him gaining control of the situation and the slant of the discussions because he sees you backing down, feeling uncertain, etc. Cheaters work to shift the conversation so that the faithful spouse questions themselves.

Thank you. I can relate to what everyone is saying.