I hate cheaters, my fiancee never gave me a reason to be suspicious until i found him and her colleague at a romantic restaurant. he told me it was work stuff but something wasn't right. i was worried

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I kind of wonder why you want to be with someone who doesn't love you and betrays you to boot? One who has no remorse and doesn't care if you stay or if you go.

Even after you found out in June she didn't stop.

If this was my situation I would just divorce her and go on with life. I wouldn't want someone like this in my life. If my wife didn't confess before she was caught or wasn't 100% repentant I would have ended it.

I have real bad insecurity issues and I'm afraid of being alone. We have movie nights and take showers together & have sex...and a lot of the time she is nice to me. But she rarely says she loves me, tells me she doesn't and fools around with guys online.
Also, we have two children together and I don't want to lose my healthcare. I want to keep us together as long as possible...Even though she treats me bad I still am in love with her and wish for nothing more than for us to go back to the way things used to be.
She tells me there is no hope of that happening but I still cling to this tiny thread of hope that may be she will turn back around..m

I think there are quite a few betrayed spouses in your situation. It's not so much that they really love such a spouse, but are afraid of being alone and not being able to find someone. Children and finances can also make it difficult to leave as well as losing a sense of stability.

The hard truth is that there is no "how it used to be", as your wife is the person you see before you today. There was no magical change of character at the moment of cheating, you are now just more aware of who she really is.

I wish that I could tell you that if you leave your wife everything will be fine, but I don't know that.

All I can say is that living in a comfortable fantasy marriage to someone who doesn't love and abuses you is harmful and will get worse. Yes, leaving her will have consequences as well, but there is at least a chance that you will heal and find peace.

You deserve to be happy and with someone who loves you. Sticking around won't help. whyvwould she change if she doesn't have to? You're still there, making all the effort it seems. She get to have sex with you and also mess around online with guys. Maybe she needs a reality check, maybe you not being around will be what she needs. Right now she has nothing to lose, you are still showing her live and taking care of her and she is also getting attention from strangers online she has the best of both worlds. While you are sitting there in misery and hurting. Good luck, I hope you are able to find the happiness you deserve and the love you want.

I am in a similar situation and my hell has been going on for about a year now. I can tell you from experience that your wife doesn't respect you at all and likely is not attracted to you. I am not trying to be mean by saying this but I believe you put up with so much BS for so long and still were nice to her that she will just do whatever she wants. I myself would tell the person on Kik to go F himself and never talk to your wife again. I can also tell you the real problem is your wife. The only way to stop the bad stuff is to decide it's worth risking it all and draw the line and don't put up with any of that anymore at all. No matter what. You will thank me later because I didn't do that right away. When I finally decided I would be fine with divorce or whatever it took to stop the bad things, my wife seemed to snap out of this fog of doing whatever she thought she could. If she doesn't then it truly is no loss to you. You will hate yourself and your life if you continue on. It will drive you crazy. I put up with an emotional affair for months. My wife lied about it being over and I caught her and drew a line in the sand. I understand wanting to stay together and wanting to be by your children. I am in the same situation but you will find you really are not living if you keep on as you are.

im not sure. my ex and his wife has the same issue. I was the OW that he duped into a relationship with. his wife is very carefree and forgiving. it seems to me that it is an open relationship that you have to accept to continue the marriage. she seems perfectly happy. she scolded me for his skin rashes and didn't care about the other gf who might be pregnant. it seems totally ridiculous and crazy to me that a spouse can support a CS. but this is an example of how you can continue this drama. im curious, dont you feel degrading at all?

It's not ur fault or something you lack. It's her twisted self centered narcissistic mind. She seems absolutely not remorsefull which is very concerning. You cant be with soneone like that. She will treat you like a door mat. I underatand its scary to be alone but you will be happier alone in the end than togetger with someone that cheats on you, riscs ur health with STDs and crushes ur self esteem under her shoes.
Set an example for ur kids don't allow her to teach then it's ok to treat ur partner like that. Don't worry about losing health care. Ur self esteem is much more important than that.
I'm so sorry to bring this to you but KIK is a cheaters app to meet men. It's very unlikely she only looks at pictures. She just doesn't tell you the truth. Please please get STD tested. Consider counseling for yourself. You deserve much better. Hugs

I know for a fact that she doesn't meet up with people in real life. Right now Im unemployed so we are together almost the entire day every day. I would know. And yes, it didn't take me long to find out that Kik is nothing but a cheating/flirting/hookup site. Everyone on there is a pervert. It makes me feel like I'm the last honest and modest person left. If I left, I would have nowhere to go. My mother is my only living relative (besides my sister who is in prison) and she has a 1 bedroom apartment. My wife also has nowhere else to go. She strongly dislikes her mom and says shed rather be in a shelter than move back there.
She's always been so honest with me, she had never lied to me. Come to think of it, there was one time recently she may have cheated on me offline with an actual person. We don't have drivers licenses so she got a ride from this 50-something year old man to the store and never came back. She lied to me on the phone and said she was still in the store after over an hour and it turned out she went to his place for drinks. Said she just wanted to get out of the house. She swears up and down she did nothing sexual and I'm so inclined to believe her. She just drank whiskey and soda for like 4 hours. Yeah. I don't know what to think. Things are just getting worse and worse. But forwardmotion you are correct. I am so scared of being alone and not having someone to be with me. Id probably drag this out for years if she doesn't leave me. She keeps saying she wants to leave. But I know she won't do it until she finds someone to move in with. I doubt she'll find that on Kik; All anyone on there cares about is pictures of everyone's genitals. God they have porn for a reason y'know? I know she's never given away a picture of herself because she showed me the folder containing all pictures she's taken on Kik. I do believe she is honest much of the time. She first time she had ever lied to me was when she went to that older man's house. I kinda freaked out so she even went as far as to turn her phone off. And I'm supposed to believe they didn't do anything...

You can't believe a word she says. All the evidence points to her being a habitual lair and adulterer with no remorse.

From what you are saying she is just buying time until she find a meal ticket to get out.

Time to get some counseling to help you learn to sustain your own self worth, find a job, separate from her emotionally, and prepare to be on your own financially and emotionally.

You need time to get healthy and no be codependent/emotionally reliant on anyone. If you don't deal with this you are going to find yourself in another abusive relationship down the road.

Your own comments show that it is inevitable. Control what you can and don't worry about what you can't.

Yeah...youre right. I can't feel alright with myself without someone else to love me and tell me everything will be okay.
Now, most of our days are pleasant. She had never lied to me in the past, and if she tried to and I nagged it would come out in truth. She really is a sweet girl...But yet then again just today she reminded me that "we aren't even really together." and that I have "no say in Who she can talk to or what she does online." it just hurts. And yeah I'll probably end up in another emotionally abusive relationship in the future. If they love me then I become attached.

ok. no. shes openly telling you shes not in love with you. this is the part to focus on, fuck the dick pics. cyber sex should be the least of your worries right now.

first off, ask yourself if you want a wife that isn't in love with you anymore. if you can manage this and continue to live as partners, then you have to create boundaries within yourself and your relationship that you both agree on.

secondly, yes, you should talk to her about it. saying confront is really aggressive and you should be empathetic towards her if you love her and want to work things out with her. don't build a taller wall here. as you might be upset about the "cheating", think about how its triggering you emotionally. you are feeling insecure about your body; comparing others to your own.

and my third point is that it doesn't sound like the communication is at a healthy level, especially if you know what the chats say. are you looking at her KIK messages? does she know this? this is a critical level of broken trust.

I'm so sorry but it's really clear to me she cheated with that guy at least that time, but likely more often. No one is always together. When she's at work when she's at the gym when she's out with a friend or when she dies groceries. More than enough opportunities. She has zero respect for you. You say she wants to leave. Please don't sit for her to make that move. Kick her out now! You are not ending up in an abvusuce relationship you ARE in 1 right now. This is so unhealthy so disrespectful. You can't be that dependant of her. She will leave so ull be alone anyway better keep ur honor high and end it from ur side. Kick her out she cheated she leaves it's not ur problem she has nowhere to go. Please get counseling. You need to realize you don't need her to be alive. You're much better off without soneone treating you like garbage or less than garbage. Good luck to you be strong

If you do not have children, I would dump her cheating ass. This is BAD cheating behavior and it will not change.

We live in a very rural area and I lost my license and she never had one. INeither of us are ever really out of the house, so I know she isn't cheating on me.in real life, unless she fucked that older guy. Probably did.we are going to move.to. city in Maine, then get jobs and move apart