A little history first.  Almost 2 decades ago when my wife and I first starting dating, she had a male friend that I didn't like.  Yes, he was a friend to her before we started dating and she said he wasn't interested in her.  However, I always had a bad vibe about him and she eventually broke off that friendship because I was unhappy about it.  Yes, you can call it immaturity, insecurity, jealousy, etc. at the time.  I think I had become a different person from that time.  My wife has had other male friends I've known about since that time and even told me if she contacted them.  Of course she probably had others and didn't tell me about them, but this time it feels different.

We have not been truly talking about us, but not really arguing or anything of the like.  Life was kind of day to day with work, taking care of our child, etc.  I noticed a series of incidents that made me feel suspicious.  Like any other person, I checked the cell phone records.  I noticed that she was in contact with a particular number, so I did a reverse phone look up and found out it was a guy.  I found out that the guy was at her job.  One can say that "oh, its just a friend at the job", but the amount of contact (phone calls and texts) was astounding! They were in contact like all hours of the day (mostly texts).  It was alarming because my wife has always said that she was too busy at work to talk or text, yet the phone log said otherwise.  Something seemed to have happened after a evening call after or during work and then the communication between them became maniacal (could they have had a sexual encounter that day?  What would drive someone to call constantly like that).  Note well that my wife and I always thought that having an affair with a coworker would be silly because if things go awry, you still have to see the person at work.

So one night I asked her if she was cheating on me and she told me no.  She also told me when would she ever get the time to have an affair.  After much thought, I gave her an answer and she agreed that it was possible.  That night I went into her phone to verify the number and it was in her directory, but all calls and texts were erased from the phone's log.  The other interesting thing was that his name seemed like a female name (actually calls himself that name, not that she changed it).  I was fuming because things didn't add up and she had the chance to come clean about having a friend if it was innocent.  So in the morning, I woke her out of her sleep and confronted her with the name.  She first told me he was a coworker that she "bumps into from time to time".  I told her that he was on her schedule and works the same weekends that she does, which means he probably works on her floor.  She confirmed that was the case, but noted that he doesn't always work on the floor.  This is where the trust was broken and I was feeling hurt.  She said that there was nothing going on and she didn't want me to know because what had happened years ago with her other friend (see first paragraph).  I told that I thought I would have been different about it since we've been together for years, but the hiding of this friend raise a lot doubts combined with the amount of contact.  She said that the guy has a girlfriend and a kid and that she not attracted to him.  He just a really good guy and they vibe a lot together.  She said that she helped him with a paper for college.  They have mutual interest in pop culture (my wife and I don't have that common interest) and they would talk about that, life and things in general.  I asked if the talk ever turned to sex or a sexual nature and she said it did not.  I told her that I didn't trust her anymore.  She acknowledge that it was understandable, but insisted that the relationship with her friend wasn't gross in that way (I felt it was terrible wording).  I also was very leery about the whole thing as she was trying to downplay the whole thing.  She said the talking was "insignificant".  I might post a link to the log I started to create so you can judge yourself.  If the talking was insignificant, what was the compulsion to contact each other the first thing in the day and the last thing at night.  I asked why was she talking or texting him at 2 am.  She said that it was probably something they were both watching and commenting on.  She said she was sorry about the whole incident and should not have kept it a secret, but didn't want me to get upset about it (that failed).

I can go on more with the story, but I want to stop and ask these questions.

Do you feel she cheated on me?  I say yes as she held an emotional affair (can't confirm it, but feels like it is based on the amount of contact).

What's worse, emotional or physical cheating?

Some of you may wonder if I think she had a sexual relationship with this guy.  From what I'm seeing, I would say there is a low probability (defintely want to believe not), but I can't rule it out.

So here I am depressed and she doesn't want to talk about it (I guess out of embarassment and the fact she doesn't do well dealing with thing directly), so I turn to this forum to try and heal myself.  I feel partially to blame as I may not have given her the attention that she was seeking and she found it in this friend.  I feel like a disappointment to my marriage. 

We both want to get past this and make it better.  Get past it to what I keep wondering, you can't go back to what you have with the knowledge you have gained.  We have a child as I mentioned before and don't want this incident to affect our child.  We are both tip toeing around each other at this point and I don't know what it will take to get better. 

I keep wondering If nothing happened between her and her friend, why can't she talk about it?  Why were they communicating so much in a short time period (and no it couldn't possibly be the term paper he was doing,  No one does a term paper by texting).

I'm just stuck and I want to move on and can't.