Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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pcast30 02/26/2015

So my story is a bit different then some. Its been 5 months since dday for me. My wife cheated on me with my stepsons father. Me and my wife have have been married 8 years at the time. She cheated on our 8 year old sons birthday. The last 4-5 years of our marriage have not been good. The biggest mistake we made was letting our 8 year old son sleep in our bed. He has bad seperation anxiety with my wife. So I started sleeping in his room. This caused my wife and I to lose alot of privacy and our connection as a couple. Sex was empty and only to keep me happy. There were many factors leading up to her cheating. A lot caused by me. About 4 years ago I almost cheated on my wife at my cousins wedding. The only reason I didn't because I was caught by my brothers wife. I have since come clean on this since I found out about my wifes brief affair. There were many times that I wanted to walk in those 5 years but I didn't because I truly love my wife. The reason she cheated on me was she said she had to know if I was meant to be with her, because our marriage was do bad. She claims that now she knows I am the one. Our marriage now is the best it has ever been. Our son sleeps in his room now and we now have that connection again. The problem I have is even though our marriage is great, I'm just always sad and depressed because I can't get her affair out of my head sometimes. She has had no contact with him and has done everything I have asked of her except give me the gritty details of her encounter with him. Why can't I just be greatful and happy that things are good in our marriage again. Maybe I'm just being impatient with the process. Any advice would be helpful.

icanspellthornwell 02/26/2015

It's so refreshing and great to hear of marriages that have survived the ravages of infidelity and are now on the other end. Have you guys considered ongoing counseling? Even after the fact it can be very beneficial. I would advise you to pray about the past heartache and I urge you to move forward with joy and patience. It will take some time to get over the past but there is healing even for the deepest wounds. Hang in there and keep the lines of communication open with your spouse. I hope you begin to be overwhelmed, in a good way, by the love and faith you have in your marriage.

-ICanSpellThornwell-

pcast30 02/26/2015

We are going to counseling together. I'm going to start going by myself as well to help with the things that my wife can't help me with. The depression, and anxiety are the hardest part I'm still dealing with. The trust is gradually coming back as well. But the hardest thing is the choice of the person she chose to cheat with. My stepsons father is a bad person and father. He filled my wifes head with his bs and because I wasn't doing my job as a friend and husband she fell for it. I hbeat myself up all the time about it.

jaymee4647 02/26/2015

It's difficult, but it sounds like you are on the right track.
Good Luck!

sarah2220 02/26/2015

Don't beat yourself up for your wife's decision to cheat. You cannot be responsible for her behavior. It is about her, not you.

I am glad that things are going so well for you. My situation is a bit parallel to yours, and I will tell you, it takes time. 5 months is not very long. I am 9 months out from DDay, when my boyfriend came forward on his own and told me he had been cheating (thankfully before intercourse took place). He has done everything right ever since, abruptly ended the affair, cut contact, has had complete transparency with me, as he realizes how wrong his behavior was, and that he wants this relationship and has done everything in his power to help me. But even at that, my emotions were up and down for a while, and still can be at times. Just hang in there. It sounds like you and your wife have a happy marriage ahead.

Lenoire 02/27/2015

Five months is still relatively early, and it may last a lot longer. It may also depend on the "gritty details of her encounter" that you have no knowledge about, that is slowing down your recovery.

If you still have questions cluttering your mind, you may not be able to move forward until you have some of those answers, to put your mind at ease. If you need to know more details, and she refuses to tell you, this will be a problem in rebuilding your trust. You see, she has to trust you with that information, and if she doesn't trust you with it, how can you build your trust in her?

I wish you well.

pcast30 02/27/2015

I do and don't want to know the gritty details. She has explained alot. Told me the minute it was over she new it was a huge mistake. She Saud it was bad sex, and he was disgusting. She left immediately. She new she was wrong. She even texted her friend that she was wrong and she chooses me over him or anyone else. I found that text on her phone that's how I found out. This was just a mistake she made, I made the same mistake years earlier. I guess I'm just being impatient and I want to feel better now.

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