Was your H aware that you had a bad day yesterday? How long since D Day? I am assuming you guys are reconciling?

I don't know how to answer this, as I reconciled for about a minute before wasting my time to save a dead marriage, but I do believe that constant communication is necessary.

I don't know your particulars, but I can sense your pain and frustration. I hope the days ahead get brighter for you...

Justme2892 yesterday he knew I had a bad day yesterday. We got into it.its been a year but I've found out stuff, he's never told me anything about it. Yes but it's hard when the spouse cheats on you and won't talk to you about it. Thank you but there not getting easy there getting harder and harder

I completely agree with you. I, actually, think it's pretty deplorable, immature, and completely stumps growth if he chooses not to talk about it.

I feel, for reconciliation to work (in my opinion, not from my experience), BOTH parties have to communicate. The CS has to be transparent and willing to answer any and all questions, even if it's the same question 100 times.

It sounds like he has the "you should be over it by now" attitude.

Do you guys go to counseling?

I agree. All I have are assumptions and that's worse than probably knowing the truth. I agree if you wanna reconcile both of the parties need to talk if not its like sweeping it under the rug and that's what he does. Yes he says that the all the or we gotta go through this again. I went to counseling by myself cause I was really bad depressed and the lady asked him if he would come for the next session and she nor I would talk about what he did just ways to help me get better. He didn't even say a word about it that whole night. It's been 2 months and he still hasn't said anything. I feel like he doesn't care but he says he doesn't want to do go and talk to someone, I think it's he's afraid all his lies and secrets will come out

I have accused my husband of shutting down as well when I'm having a rough day and he apologizes and says he feels such shame and remorse that he doesn't even know where to begin when I've hit a rough patch. We then talk at great length and it is always therapeutic for both of us.

I wish my husband would talk to me but he clams up

I feel ya. CH "ended" things a year ago however I just found out 3 months ago and I have some really bad days as I am getting menopausal symptoms and I am bipolar with fibromyalgia. He does feel remorse for his actions so he says but there are days that it tries to consume me and I snap on him. If he gets defensive I say you caused this so you will listen to me and he does. Hiding it from me was almost as bad as the act itself. I told him it will take me a long time to get over it and that I won't forget it and I will be checking his phone as well. If in fact I find he is still seeing her his life will suck cuz I will see to it that he doesn't have much left till my atty is thru with him!

Most people that cheat wnt to think everything is fine and wnt to pretend that you are not hurting. they want us to fall into the trap of business as usual because they do not want to face the fact that they have consequences to thier actions. But in time if you keep making him aware of your feelings he may wake up to reality.

I'm sorry you're still in this situation.

When you say, "... I think it's he's afraid all his lies and secrets will come out ", you have hit the nail on the head.

He's emotionally immature and doesn't want to deal with what he's done, and hopes you just forgive him and move on. He doesn't want to re-hash it or own any part of it, even though he brought it into your household.

He has to come clean with you, otherwise I fear you will not be able to move beyond it. Has he become completely transparent otherwise and devoted to you?

I wish you strength and resolve.