Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Recently I found out my husband of 6 years(we've been together for 13years) has an account on seekingarrangement. I confronted him and he told me he had sex with a sugar baby, in exchange for $500.00, he had sex 2 times before he got caught. I told him to give me full disclosure of anything else he did, he admitted that he went to massage parlours for handjobs. I am so numb and shock by all this. My morals and values will not let me fully understand what happened. My husband was my best friend, we went through everything together. We had a great relationship filled with laughter, we had a relationship that all other couples aspire to have. I now know that everything was a lie. I have asked him to leave and he will not. He says that he will never divorce/leave me, get this he says that he really loves me. I am in a financial situation where I can get bankrupt if everything ends right now. I have put all my savings to build a business with him. He gave me access to all his passwords and I have access to his labtop and phone any time I want. But what good is all this...
The financial situation is a tricky one, but you can consult a lawyer regarding this.
Take some time to get counseling as it is a shock to find out who your spouse really was all these years.
He doesn't know what love is and whatever he means by loving you......it isn't the same definition that you use.
This isn't on the whoops one night stand while drunk, or a opportunistic affair; he has full blown sex addiction issues if he is trolling online for hand/blowjobs and casual sex partners.
Also consider how much of your financial situation is cause by him paying for prostitutes over the last few years.
Plan to include this in the will as well.
However if you leave him there is still the possibility of maintaining a business relationship. It would be a shame to take down the business since you noted it has become successful after a long struggle.
You can severe the personal relationship, split the personal assets and each get their own homes, and continue running the business together. Your relationship would be a limited partnership within the business.
Given that you are the breadwinner and the company is the source of your wealth, he would be inclined to sign the separation agreement that is equitable to you.
Otherwise, he stands the chances of losing his source of income and would have less ability to climb back up financially like you would. He certainly has more to lose.
Abraham Lincoln had a very wise quote about testing a man's character. (also applicable to women)
"If you want to test a man's character, give him power."
Your husband played a character to get by in life as he had no power/ability to seize what he wanted, the money changed that and the façade was no longer useful or needed.
I'm not psycho-analyzing your husband because I don't know him nor do I know you, but I hear similarities in your brief explanation of what happened to you in my own story as well. It is possible that there is something really- REALLY- wrong with him at his core. If he loves you and he wants to fix this, he should already be doing some things:
1.) Agreeing to sign a Post-Nup without hesitation
2.) Begging you to stay and give him time to find out what's wrong with him.
3.) Seeking a psychiatrist on his own to get to the bottom of his behavior.
You might not even need a psych. if he and you are able to talk openly about it. Depends on you. If he isn't doing steps 1-3 yet, you should have cause for concern.
Just my 2 cents from someone on the other side.
For ME, when it came to light that I was molested, it was as if the chains holding me in that "life" I was leading previosuly just fell off, and I no longer needed to hurt or abuse others to make up for my feelings of being hurt and abused myself. Do I still say some stupid shit sometimes? Yes. I am not saying I am 100% "normal", if there is such a thing a being normal! But I am saying the reason for my doing what I did is no longer there- at all.
Your trust is gone because he caused you to lose it. Realize that he may be able to prove to you over time, that he can earn it back. You will never be 100% trusting like you were before. And that's OK. He needs to understand that's OK as well. Be realistic. Having a little mistrust is healthy, but just a little unless he gives you reason to have more mistrust. What you two had is over and dead. What you can BUILD NOW together is limitless. Let the old die.
Hope that helps you in some way.
He has even accepted the natural consequences of his actions and taken a realistic perspective on the reality of himself and the relationship going forward, however difficult a pill it may be to swallow.
These are Hallmarks of a recovering/reforming CS, which takes a lot of time to believe.
It is unfortunate that your husband is not exhibiting any of these positive signs.