I know exactly how you feel.. I am going through the same thing with my wife. Except I get days where she will love on me before she goes to work then has sex with her lover and come home totally cold and shut down. I am dieing inside and close to ending it all. I have to be strong for my Son and you have to be a strong mom for your children.

I can tell you that when you are in an affair, your thoughts and emotions are twisted such that the AP seems special and your marriage seems dead. I think it's a defense mechanism to feel somehow justified in betraying your spouse. Basically, don't believe what your spouse is saying. If he/she ends contact with the AP, over a period of months, he/she will look at all of it differently.

gravinggirl is ABSOLUTELY right. I dunno what the hell I was thinking while I was in. He asked if I cared and of course I did, but he didn't cross my mind. I did a lot of sex for money stuff so I tried to separate the feelings. And in my head, I did. Kind of like swingers do.. With the guy I actually "dated" I have no idea. I wasn't looking to cheat. I was looking for someone to listen as my husband had lost his job and his dog and he was so angry and short with me. Hindsight is 20/20 and I should've left him alone like my husband said but I saw it as him not wanting to talk to me, and not wanting me to talk to anyone else either. That was dumb. All of it finally made me see that I can't find happiness in other people, not even my husband. I have to be happy with myself and I can't push all my issues down further inside me and pretend they don't exist. Now, I'm finally working on myself. People get blinded by AP's and the temporary thrill is an amazing but unworthwhile high.

'Friends' don't treat each other like that, so no need for him to be a new buddy.
But, unfortunately, people do genuinely fall out of love with people but aren't usually mean about it.
Does he want a divorce? Did you ask him?
And are you sure he is having an affair?
Cause if he is, he's no prize to her if he treats a woman who has cooked and cleaned for him for 12 years and the mother of his children this way........affair or not.

My husband is not leaving his job and neither is she.
I wanted to text his boss and tell him but we bought a house few months ago and if instead of her he loses his job the we lose the house I have to find her husband and talk to him then again my husband tells me if not her I'll find someone else.
Please help me figure this out

I am usually against outing an affair to other people (e.g. coworker's husband) because you don't know what the fall-out might be, even potential violence. However, if they are going to keep working together, you might need to talk to the OW's husband about your concerns.

I will say that when my affair first came out and I felt defensive, I told my husband if it wasn't that AP, it would be another because our marriage was so dead. I don't feel like that now.

I just read an article that seems to fit: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-justifications-of-the-unfaithful

Thank you so much I don't want to disrespect you in anyways but since you have been the OWin some case why did the guy do it ?

Thank you so much I don't want to disrespect you in anyways but since you have been the OWin some case why did the guy do it ?