Stay out of it. I understand that this is a trigger for you, but its really not a good idea for you to get involved.

Oh wow,

the first thing I'd do is let my H have it for even putting me in that situation, and get these people out of your life. Surely he knows how uncomfortable this must be for you.
It is totally up to you whether you want to tell this woman or not. I KNOW I'd want to be told, but I might go about it less directly if I didn't know her well.
No matter what you decide there, you should absolutely tell your H to get rid of this friend & his coworker. It's not good to have a 'bestie' who's cheating, especially when he's been there himself. There's nothing good about this no matter how you look at it. I'm really sorry you're going through this - it stinks!
Hugs, CR64

I don't the wife at all.

I found pics of his best friend and the co-worker on my husbands phone (they were hugging and seemed a little to close).

Yes, through me right back on the coaster. And I'm having a heck of a time dealing with it because I feel bad for the wife.

green, I am so sorry that your H is being so insensitive! What also bothers me is that he's supporting his friend's behavior knowing how hurtful it is! This makes me think that he sees nothing wrong, which worries me for you! Sorry about all the exclamation points, but I'm mad! Out of respect for you, he should cut off this friendship. At the very least, he shouldn't be a party to his friend's cheating. He took a picture of them on his phone...are you kidding me????? Red flag all over this. I wouldn't tell the wife if you are not a close friend of hers. The truth always comes out. I hope for her sake that her H grows a set and fesses up himself. I know, highly unlikely, but one can hope. Sending you support.

Thats a tough one. Im only about 6 months into my healing process so I would probably go off the deep end and tell his wife. I KNOW this would probably not be a great idea, BUT if someone, ANYONE had even hinted to me about what they knew or even suspected it would have saved me A LOT of hurt. Personally, I would either tell the wife or tell the pig that you know whats going on and either you can tell her or he can tell her. Either way, she has to know.

I agree with Worndown. When I think of all the people that knew about my H's affair and didn't tell me, it makes me sick. It would have spared me years of humiliation. Even if u have to write her an anonymous letter then do it. Think of how much u wish someone would have told you. This woman deserves to know. And I agree w everyone about ur H having a pig for a best friend. That's the last kind of friend he needs. His having the pics on his phone makes ne think GE condones it. Considering he knows the pain infidelity causes, condoning an affair is the last thing he should be doing. That is very worrisome. Plz write his wife an anonymous letter to his wife. Someone needs to have the decency to tell her. Too bad nk one did that for me. Best wishes.

Yeah, what's up with this mindset of his covering this up? That's like saying, 'hey, I just had this fricking CANON go off in my life and see the damage, and it so MATTERS, but I'll help you do the same thing...shhhhhhhh....'

Unless...he doesn't think the damage matters..

Very dangerous mindset...

Sending you support. I would stear clear of this whole situation all the way around.

L~

I haven't met the wife, yet.

I'm thinking of inviting her out for dinner, not to dump on her what her husband is doing ... but to extend a hand to her. I'm sure she knows something's not right and I'm sure she's not sure what to do.

Have you discussed your feelings about all of this with your H? If so, what was his reaction to you? (About his friend having the affair. About his hanging out with negative influences given the fragility of your own trust. About his "supporting" this behavior (by taking photos of them). About all of it. If not, do you feel comfortable discussing it with your H all together?

I feel for you. This would be a trigger for me and I think that I would feel resentful of his judgment and sensitivity. (That's just me, I'm not saying that's how you you should feel). I would also approach your H about how you feel before the wife. No more surprises in your relationship. That has a way of causing a domino effect of bull-s*** and you guys are already RE-building. His friends, once outed, will blame you and dump that on your H. Do you want to add that to your plate just now? UGH. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I completely agree that the W should know about her H's behavior. I think you are on the right track with befriending her. I just wonder why your H didn't offer to introduce her as a friend to you especially because she is his best friend's wife. I think apollinaire is right. You should express your concerns with your H, telling him that you would like to meet the BF's wife and start a possible friendship with her. He probably won't like that too much. But at least he knows where you head is. He will probably have some decisions of his own to make now about continuing his supportive friendship with this guy.

In my healing process I cut off my girlfriends that supported my past behavior and that were still involved in A's. I have no desire to even be around them and one was my very best friend. I strongly believe that, that common interest is what fueled our friendship. Your H should want to also rid himself of those kind of friends if they continue to engage A's.

You know first hand that the W will not trust anyone when she finds out and will assume that everyone including you, knew about her H and this OW, especially because you and your H entertained them. You are right she will need a shoulder of someone she can trust. Maybe in speaking with her, she will reveal what she suspects. You can then gage whether or not she will even be receptive to the truth. You may be amazed, but some spouses would rather not have their suspicions confirmed before they are ready.

BH ~

If you're 100% sure they're having an affair, send her an anonymous letter, but don't do it until you're 100% sure. Mention the OW's name too. Maybe she'll think it's someone from work...no need to tell your spouse either.

My mother always told me "BIRDS OF A FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER". I think it's a bad thing for an EX-CHEAT to hang with a cheat. It's kinda like if you had a girlfriend who was a loosey goosey (hoe-bag) slept around and was known for it. You think hubby would allow you to continue to maintain your friendship and hang out with her or would he put the brakes on it? I'm not saying ur hubby is cheating, but if his PAL is, then he's sure to hear all the SLIMY DETAILS..that's a really bad combination....I won't offer advice..cause I usually don't tolerate much....Good luck with whatever road you travel in this situation.