Its way too soon to tell. Cheaters, once caught often behave for just long enough to get themselves off your radar, often take things further underground, often learn how to be sneakier (burner phones etc). The sex is also typical of this stage. Google hysterical bonding...its a "thing". You have to have complete transparency in all things from her, genuine remorse on the part of the cheater and their own self-initiated individual therapy to figure out why she decided it was ok to do this to you (the therapy is mandatory...if she can't or won't go then there is nothing to work with here), her actions must match her words at all times (do not listen to her words). It can take 18 months-3 years (sometimes more) to get to a place of repair and trust. Sometimes you don't get there at all. So what I'm saying is a couple weeks is nothing. Are you in your own individual counseling (different therapist than hers) to help you figure out what YOU want to do, to establish healthy boundaries for yourself, to know your self worth? No marriage or couples counseling for the first year is a good rule of thumb. This is for your protection so that you don't get "So Bob, tell me how YOU contributed to the demise of your marriage and caused your wife to have an affair?". Ask me how I know. Not to be a Debbie Downer here, but now is also a good time to get your ducks in a row: financials, consult an attorney to see what your options are, how to protect your assets and interests. Sometime cheaters are "nice" or "compliant" when they are in the discard phase, getting their own ducks in a row and then they ghost you or move on to their Plan B. You are in the very early days here. I wish you strength.

I agree it is way too early to know as it could temporary or could be change in the right direction. Hysterical bonding will last a bit then you will come to your senses again...and the up and downs will continue. She is a 2 time offender which is a red flag.

Unless her core personality/emotional/boundary issues are taken care of via lots of counseling and hard personal reflection then there will be no underlying change and she won't be safe. She didn't do this last time with the ex, but hopefully she will this time with you if she really is being authentic going forward.

In terms of being open with all accounts, phones, and whereabouts it is more about her resistance or compliance with it that will give you a vibe of if she wants to hide things. As Betrayed noted, cheater=adept liar. Shevery well could just keep it better hidden in the future with this guy or another and you could be fooled again.

I agree with putting your ducks in a row again. I have a post-nup put in place that protects my assets in the case she is just pretending to be repentant. Again there are legal loopholes with this but she didn't think twice about signing it and told me she was dedicated to me now and would never do this again.

Your earlier post noted that the new guy promised more financial security and she wanted it. I worry that she just looks at guys as a means to an end rather than a person with worth/feelings. I hope that I am wrong and she isn't just staying with you for security/familiarity till the next opportunity.

She lies (cannot be trusted), she cheats, not once but twice (a pattern is emerging perhaps?). For me these are red flags, something sinister may have, or has, happened to her.

Having shared a similar experience, I feel compelled to warn you of the difficulties this event will cause within you. For example, simply seeing your wife enjoying herself texting may cause a rush of insecurity and fears. Keeping mental images both real and imagined of the affair out of your mind may be a struggle, especially if you are experiencing other life stress. These demons may result in a desire to push the perceived cause of them (your wife) away). If you are like me, they may make you crave some kind of reassurance in the form of affection or expressed love from your wife and if she is less than enthusiastic your anguish will build. As I'm still going through this over a year later, I cannot convey how long this may affect you.

I only tell you these things in hopes you can prepare yourself for the good fight. Go to therapy for yourself as it is the best avenue to vent and express your feeling. You may find yourself tempted to vent to family and friends but they will choose sides and relationships will be impacted. A good therapist will help open you to different perspectives that the fresh pain of betrayal will naturally make you resistant to on your own.

I also recommend marriage counseling. You will be exposing yourself to additional pain at first, but it is critical that your life together is built on a foundation of trust and equal individual investment in the marriage. Her natural inclination will be to put this behind you both as quickly as possible and forget it happened. You cannot do that if you want to find trust and security in the relationship, again. This is going to be very hard for both of you, and you need to go in with eyes wide open and hearts absolutely committed.

You are both in my prayers.

I like how you put that, and yes our mind plays all sorts of tricks on us when in the throes of discovering infidelity. I see a few red flags that you may have overlooked and understandably so in your vulnerable state. The sex you mention is known as hyper-bonding, google it for more info.

Your wife can't fix the infidelity, in three neat weeks, like you describe. Infidelity is a complex creature that shatters a multitude of emotions, beliefs and trusts. It cannot be repaired by the perpetrator alone, and not in a short period of time. She did it, but she can't fix it, nor can she fix you. The only thing she can fix is the behaviour within herself that causes it.

The extent of the damage she's caused you, hasn't even hit you yet, and probably won't for a little while. You're in crisis control mode; you're raw and scrambling to batten down the hatches after the storm has already hit. Your world map has been ripped out from under you and she can see your pain. She is saying and doing all the things she knows you need to hear and see. It's time to tune her off, and start listening to the station that's playing the voices in your head, without the cacophony of her mollycoddling.

You may want to seek therapy to unlock some things you can't figure out on your own; likewise for her. If she acts and talks like she has all the answers, I doubt its authenticity being that she recommitted in a new relationship.

The process of discovering yourselves, why it happened, your true feelings around it, and what it will take for a successful reconciliation can take months and longer before you feel content in making a decision. You may feel yes today, but all it takes is one trigger and a poor response from her, and you'll be back to square one.

I sense an urgency in your postings for things to get back to normal, and this could hinder your progress and reconciliation. At three weeks in, neither of you are in a position to know if your marriage will work. You're in the grief period, and haven't had an adequate amount of time to digest what all happened and how to process your emotions over it in a healthy way. You may be surprised to know that it can take a number of years before a marriage recovers from infidelity and that's only when it's done in a healthy and mutually respectful manner. There are a number of books and online resources that breakdown the processes of recovery for a betrayed spouse after infidelity.

Wishing you well.