I am going g through the same exact thing. It’s like how can i tell when I’m just being extra paranoid. Or when it’s a gut feeling. Honestly though. In my personal experience. I think my gut feelings that something is right is right. I wish it wasn’t. But every time i think back. Every time i felt like this. I’ve always been right. Smh. I know this doesn’t help much and it’s very possible that your just being influenced because of the situation. Maybe you can try not always voicing it to him. Because although he is ultimately the cause of this. It gets annoying being accused when you aren’t doing anything. Try other outlets when you get those thoughts.

Yes today I think it was just paranoia but holy cow dies my mind trick me. I hate it, makes me go nuts and now afterwards i do feel a bit bad. How can he prove that he didn't do anything wrong. I have all passwords. You're right I maybe should not say it to him each time. It doesn't happen tgat often but if it happens I go nuts. I can't not say anything. But I will try next time. Thanks!

Until more trust is restored you will have paranoia. It is a slow rebuilding process and can't be avoided.

There will always however be doubts and that will never go away because of who they once were, even if they have changed 180. A path was beaten towards adultery and easier to be travelled on again.

Paranoia is irrational where as doubt is based on facts and probability.

They are the ones who have to prove there is nothing going on, every single day!

absolutely, but how can someone prove something they didn't do. besides showing the phone and computer and me of course not finding any prove of the oposite. Not that I have sympathy but I can understand how powerless that makes our CS.

They can't prove something that they didn't do. All they can do is continue to be accountable, faithful, and honest day after day (or not) until all those days add up to a place for you where you actually do feel some trust. We would have to be idiots to blindly trust them after what they did, but we are basically being asked to trust liars. Takes a huge leap of faith. At the same time, never ever ignore your gut. Trust but verify and do not trust blindly. What a world.

It is just the sad reality of post affair trust and power balance.

There is an massive debt on their end and the trust is starting at a deep negative.

When there is cheating both ways the power balance is closer to equal but there is negative trust going either way.

Like betrayedtodeath was mentioning it just something they have to rebuild slowly brick by brick to a point where you feel it is solid enough. You will test it over and over till you are satisfied it can withstand the pressures of life.

Early this morning, at 1am, I had thoughts of my husband's indiscretions and how he got away with it. He had secret accounts that I was oblivious to. They've been revealed since D-Day but I get paranoid because, how do I know he hasn't created another? How do we REALLY know? So i called and we had a long, non-productive argument in the middle of the night, solving nothing. It's like we take one step forward and two steps back. I argue about stuff regarding the past that won't change a damn thing, but somehow it's important for me to find answers to or figure out. For the cheating spouses, it's a futile, neverending barrage of accusations and questions. He takes it because he has to endure if he wants to rebuild. He understands that this is what he's created - an insecure, doubting sceptic. I know what you mean when you say it drives you crazy. We're literally losing sleep over this BS. I hope you're feeling more at peace these days. They're far and few between but I look forward to those times.