I see no value whatsoever in it......and the potential for further obsession.

In your case, where there is more than one OM...it makes even less sense.

Where there are multiple OM, you can be certain that this has nothing to do with the OM and clearly with the BS. You don't have to wonder if another man was better than you in any way as there were several.

I seen this movie before i found out about my wife cheating, we watched it together. When he was in the hospital room cursing her for cheating my wife started to cry and said "I hope you would never talk to me like that" and like i said this was before i found out. As far as meeting the OM well I worked with him for almost 4 years and hes a smug bastard and I think if I confronted him he would try to rub the affair in my face, then i would most likely loose it and beat the living shit out of him so I think right now its best that I dont.

I texted with my CS ow for months, I studied her, I know her better than he ever could have imagined...she accepted me as a friend on fb I know her, .he, my CS knows only what he could use for his pleasure, not who she was/is, he knows so little.....she and I are so similar and yet different in the fact that I am a real person, I speak truth and I don't have fake boobs, or a fake personality, or fake fingernails or a face covered in deception....did it hurt or make it worse, probably because I still try to be better than what he chose over me....but that will never happen...so do I want to actually see her face to face and let her see what she destroyed yes(and yes I would punch her in her smug dick licking mouth)I was able to vent my rage on her, to show her the truth of my marriage, of what and who my husband is and what a scumbag he was....she was not the VICTIM, I am the only victim...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....Blindside.... you are correct, it has so much less to do with her than it does to do with my CS's behavior and violations of all he promised all he betrayed and destroyed for his own selfish pleasure, but I was NOT going to let her just waltz around free of this burden of horror she has been a LARGE contributer of........ yes I am angry, enraged and bitter.and fully believe they deserve to be alone for the rest of their miserable lives, to be punished for what they have done....but will that happen....probably not, so i can only hope and pray, which right now is near impossible, that I get better.... :(

I thought about confronting the OW.

To what end?

What I want from her, I will never get. I want her to feel remorse and apologize for what she did. She does not feel any remorse. She would never apologize.

At best, if I managed to handle myself with poise (not likely) I would get to "tell her off" and maybe venting that anger would have been (if I had done it early on) cathartic. At worst, I'd have made a fool of myself and she would have provoked me into actions that likely would have landed me in jail. That doesn't seem productive.

In the end, I wrote unsent letter after unsent letter to the OW purging my feelings. For me, it had to be good enough.

Sometimes confronting the OP is a good way to keep them out of your metaphorical yard. I especially think this can be effective with men, "Leave my woman alone you dirty dog!" sort of thing. But again - I think it could provoke a fight or retaliation that could get ugly/messy/dangerous.

I guess, now that I think about it, I DID confront the OW at one point when she messaged my husband on our anniversary. Long story short, I sent her a text message saying, "This is his wife. As he - and his bosses - have already requested, please do NOT contact him privately ever again. If you have business to discuss, use the proper channels." Then we immediately had his number changed. But that was about it and it was not satisfying in any way.

I absolutely loved that movie and I've seen it quite a few times.

As far as meeting the OW... I never met her in person. I don't think I could handle that. But when she refused to leave him alone, I did talk to her on the phone. I found out a lot of details about their relationship together... And it definitely hurt. But I think I'm happier knowing than I am not knowing. The worst part? She was actually a decent person... She apologized for everything and agreed to never speak to him again. Neither of us have heard from her since. To this day I don't know if he is aware I ever contacted her.

So I guess to answer your question... Talking to or meeting the other person sucks. It hurts and you'll hear things you probably don't want to. If you're lucky, you'll get an apology. I wouldn't count on it though. I did get closure though. It helped me to close that chapter of my life and start over.

The only contact I've had with my wife's affair partner was through two emails. And I only sent those because he was stalking her, and because my wife said he was scared of me. He apologized, sort of (he minimized what had happened) but I really wasn't looking for why he did it or for an apology.

I couldn't care less whether he was sorry for it or not. It doesn't help. If he was really sorry, he would have backed off as soon as he found out she was married. He's probably sorry they were caught. Anyway, getting any kind of closure or apology is pointless with them. The only thing I wanted was for him to stay out of our life and my marriage.

Beyond that, I would have no use to chat with him. It only keeps him in the loop. I wanted him out of the loops, so the only time I would even recommend contacting them is if they are not leaving well enough alone and you think it may get them to do so. Some it wouldn't help in that regard. But because he had an irrational fear of me, I had a hunch an email from me would accomplish the goal. And though I had to do it twice, it seems to have worked, as it has been well over a year since that last email that he's made any serious attempt to contact her again.

But what I didn't do was to tell him off, tell him what I thought of him, give him a lecture. I focused on him leaving my wife alone. I think I put both letters in my journal, and his responses.

My H had an A with a collegue so I already met her several times over the years for work gatherings.

After the A I only "confronted" her two times but that is because she had a problem understanding that no contact actually means no contact. The first letter was professional, the second one was pretty sarcastic and I sent it to a shared account she had with her husband (which was a bonus-I didn't know that at the time) That seemed to do the trick which was good because I just wanted her out of our lives. She's blocked from our phones and email so hopefully she stays that way.

I don't recommend contact of any kind with the OP. Treat them like cancer and cut them out of your life. Don't let them have the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

I did love the scene when George Clooney confronts the guy but that is scripted and life rarely works out that way. Good luck.

I wish I could blame to OW, they have been so many and none seduced him, he went after all on the internet and then met with them. So I spoke and emailed with a couple of them, both helped me and gave me his email address and secret phone number. I could only be mad at my H, even though to thinkg of the women which I several photos of on fb and of couse the porno ones which was how I cought H. This was is married and I felt like sending the H the photos, because I just could not understant why a mariied women would meet another man at a hotel for sex without even knowing him. But I have not sone this. I tried once to go to one of the OW house but no one was there. It was not to confront but to try and find out what he said. But the feeling was awful, so I think it is better to leave them alone as long as they are not still contacting your S. It will just add so much pain and hurt. I think the CS should be the one to tell the story and keep it there.

I have never met the OW but I did write her a letter and YES I sent it too. It gave me a sense of satisfaction that at the very least I could tell her what I thought of her and what she did to my family. In a situation where we ( the BS ) have no control over anything, this gave me a small amount of control back. Like they got to make all of the decisions without my knowledge, I at least had me say.

I still would like to see a picture of her though. This curiosity has never left me. So if there is ever a chance of seeing her in the future, I'll take it.

The OM confronted my ex. He did this becaus My ex indicated he was going to informTheOM's wife. HOW IS THAT FOR A TWIST?
THE CHEATING EX INFORMING THE WIFE OF THE CHEATER...
TANGLED WEBS OF DECEIPT DO HARM. I KNEW NOONE HAD TO IMFORM ME OF THE CHEATING. CHEATER HAVE BEHAVIOR CHANGES WHICH PRESENT THEMSELVES LIKE ACNE ON A SMOOTH FACE.