I know how you feel. I found out my husband cheated just over a week ago he tells me he loves me all the time. In that time I have told him I hated him more times than I have told him I love him(I've only been able to say I love you once since I found out) it's not that I don't love him because I do it just hurts like hell to say it. He says he doesn't expect me to say, and he is okay if I never tell him again but that he won't stop telling me, he says I don't need to tell him because he already knows I love him. When I tell him I hate him he says he understands. I've honestly only told him I hated him a couple times. It has been a rollercoaster that's for sure and I am so ready to get off this ride. I too believe my husband is truly sorry for what he did, I hope I'm not wrong. I too feel the sameway that this is a fresh start for us, a way to rebuild and start over. I really feel like this will give us the chance to grow stronger together and more in love. He said he realizes now how much he has taken me for granted over the past years and he realizes how much he truly loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I am hopeful too but I told him it's going to take time and honestly I don't know if we will make it in the end or not but I want to try. All we can do is try, and I don't want to just throw 9(really 12) years down the drain.

Good luck it sounds like you are on the right track. I know we will both get through this stronger in the end with or without our husbands we will be okay.

The only time I ever told my husband I hated him was a month after I found out about his A. It was the first and last time I have ever said that.

The more of these stories I read, the more confused I get. You got married when you were three months pregnant, then the relationship dwindled to the point that you were not attracted to your husband. I'm scratching my head about why you would even care if he slept with another woman. You didn't care, weren't attracted to him, and apparently were just sticking with him out of some strange obligation because of the baby, so why are you bizarrely emotional? It really does not make any sense to the point that I suspect you are punishing him for the the marriage going south more so than the affair.

Men are human beings. Like all human beings they need love and attention. You understand that if you are his wife, you are responsible for actually giving a hoot about him, right? In my opinion, he doesn't owe you a darn thing, because you left him emotionally before he left you physically. You both need to own up to your part and work together to find out if you still have romantic feelings for each other.

All that screaming and crying and telling him that you hate him is psychologically immature, considering your circumstance. Having the affair was a bad decision. Before that, you both allowed your marriage to fall apart. That's the real problem. If you don't fix that piece, there's no marriage to save.

I was with my husband 3 years before he proposed to me. We planned our son and decided to get married in a small ceremony rather than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a big wedding . It amazes me that I'm in a support group and to recieve such a condescending response from someone who doesn't know me. My husband messed up and that has nothing to do with me. Glad I was in a better space before I read that BS

I apologize for the reaction "gutted" posted. You do not deserve that kind of inconsiderate reaction. She is an internet troll and ckearly was never cheated on. Your emotions are completely normal to go all over the place between love and hate etc. It's a normal process of grieving. It sure could work out there are success stories. But only if the cheating spouse is truly renorsefull. Has told you the whole truth and is fully committed to do whatever it takes. If he's not committed your setting urself up for more pain down the road.
I'm trying to work things out too. He's trying really hard I know the truth and he's truly remorseful and yet there is many days where I just don't know if I can ever get past this. It's such a trauma to realize the person you loved and thought you knew had completely different morals than you thought. It's a really intense pain and grieve. Stay strong momma we are in the same boat. I hope things work out but if not either way you will get out of this stronger. Hugs ur not alone

Thank you so much heartache 5. My husband gave me the full story with all the details as requested. It took a while though bI cause he had his own shame and guilt about what he did. I feel like we are in a better place but we can only take it one day at a time . Some days are better then others but it is definitely a trauma. Thank you for your support and I wish you the best of luck in your marriage.

Yes they all seem to go through this shame fase, that's why they call it trickling of the truth, it sometimes takes weeks apparently, I drilled it out of mine in 5 days, I do believe I know all truth, and sounds like you do to, that's a good start, without knowing everything you want to know you cant move forward. Hopefully he is working hard on making things right. give yourself time. What Im struggling with most is the fact that he was not the person I thought he was, sounds like you are struggling with that feeling as well. We have our own believes and morals and to then realize that the person you loved and thought shared the same morals did the complete thing you despise and would never do, is really tough. Im really struggling with that currently. I know if I want to give it a chance I have to find a way to get past that, but its hard. so know ur not alone, some days are good some bad. 1 day at the time. Hugs

RE: Heartache5

I also felt that my wife and I were on the same page in terms of morals. Her parents are pastors and she grew up in a good environment and did all the things you would expect. We also talked about these things and seemed to have agreement in everything.

Everyone was shocked to find out she was just playing good girl for 29 years. There was some things she hid from everyone even before we met, but she perfected her image.

Now when I think back it hurts to realize that she was just paying lip service to everyone including me. It makes it hard for me to share with her nowadays as I wonder if she really does hold the same views when she agrees.