Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
DDay was 7 weeks ago and my husband and I have been in marriage counseling for a month now. I do not feel like it has helped at all and wonder how long I should give it before trying to find a different counselor. What did your counselor work on with you that helped with the A? There is a lot of dead silence and awkward moments where I feel she should be asking the right questions and helping us get through everything. I have not learned anything new about the A and have not gotten any answers that my husband has not already provided me. How can I help her help us?
Thanks!
Thanks!
MY counselor was not like that. Her way of thinking was, well you already know he had and EA. There is really no need to go into the details. I told her well I WANT all the detail and she said well, would hearing them make your choice of stay or leaving any different. I said you are darn right it will. She said well it probably best you don't hear it then but I know he was not going to tell me anymore no matter how much she pressed.
Most spouses are not going to come clean. I think the ones that do come totally clean are extremely rare probably 2 out of every 10. Mine could not admit to nothing more than what I could prove.
The counselor is there mostly for mediating. I even told my counselor off once and she became less bias after that. I think it depends on the counselor but mine was very pro rebuilding.
If you feel that the counselor is not helping you should probably change after the 3rd or 4th meeting to someone else. A few people advised me that you have to try a few before you get it right.
When my counselor tried to get him to talk about the affair he clammed up or cried or said it really wasn't an affair not like she (meaning me) is thinking. My counselor did that "sit and look at us" thing too. I guess she wanted to see where we would take the conversation and see where we were in trying to rebuild before she offered any help. We ended up setting ourselves back to the start a few times before she started giving us tools to work on moving forward. I was still VERY angry though when we started counseling so I think we may have started a tad bit to soon.
My wife tried to manipulate most of our counselors until the last one who to my surprise, my wife kept going back but it was more of a challenge for my wife to try to prove her point but the counselor would buy into her bullshit. She even started seeing us indivdually. This counselor also gave me the best insight as she said it didn't matter who my wife was with, she would have cheated on them and my wife has been this person for a very long time and well before me. This counselor became ill and stopped seeing clients and suggested another counselor and would give her all of the records if we agreed in writing, my wife said no thanks and we would find another counselor on our own. That was the last counselor we seen and my wife had no interest in continueing and certainly didn't want to continue individual counseling because then she would have to realize she had a problem and it wasn't me.
You need to feel comfortable with your counselor but don't expect your cheating spouse to go in and confess to anything and I doubt very much your counselor will direct his time and effort on the affair. I gave counseling well over a year with many different counselor mainly because my wife thought she was smarter than them but each one caught onto her and I am sure your current counselor will do the same. Best of luck and all you can do is try and if your cheating husband doesn't help you get past this then counseling my need to be change to a lawyer.