well after all that he pretended nothing was wrong, of course I was to blame, but....when I talked to him after he got home I told him, "The next time you decide to go to your mom's after we argue, than you just pack up and leave one way, because this behaviour is getting old, your a grown man, and need to act like one and not a toddler who needs mom everytime you get hurt. I am anything but selfish, I do so much for you, help you when you want something, I do so much to see that your dreams come true, have supported you all this time when you were alone, and now I am getting tired of all the mind games and wondering if we are together or not, I came home last night expecting you here so we could go do something, but you pouted at me and went straight to your moms. And also the children asked me where you were, I didn't know how to answer them, and so I told them you were visiting your mom and didn't know when you would be back. I am an adult I can handle all these mind games but my children are not expected to have to put up with this. Now your mom is involved, which is what I didn't want. Please when we get in arguments I don't want your mom involved, because I don't want to deal with her, just like she doesn't want to deal with me. So don't go involving your mom. My family stays out of my business so I expect the same respect from her. So I am going to leave it at that, if you want to go, then go, I will be happy if you want to stay, because I love you with all my heart. And I know that a part of this has to do with my ex being here on Sunday, you need to continue to understand that he is part of my daughters life, when he comes here to this house, I don't really even talk to him other than the fact to share information about our daughter. There is no other contact other than that. And just to let you know he will take me back if I want, but I don't want him, I want you. If I wanted him I wouldn't be out here talking to you. ( I know this because my ex has told me with his own words). Besides what kind of example would that set for my children to see me leading my ex back to my room while I am still maintaining my honey is my boyfriend.
I left him in his truck and went inside and he followed me. He then told me that he isn't cheating on me, and that he is so over the OW. That he is insecure about my ex, (which I already knew), and that he knows that I am giving and very supportive of him, he just says mean things to me when he is mad at me, and said he is going to try and control that.
In turn I said it takes two to argue, I apologize for all the mean hurtful things I said to also, I am just very untrusting about you and this OW. and I know I need to stop with my mean hurtful phrases also. I am sorry.
We just got done with lunch, I made myself stay away from any topics that might make me lash out at him. He stayed home and did the yard, and showed it to me on his pic phone, I was very happy with the results. As for forgiving, I will have to just make myself forgive him and try my best to move on. Even though I know its not going to be all fairy tales, I want to see if it will work out. I'm just so thankful I have you all here to support me in my never ending battle to learning to forgive. Thank you all for listening to my story and understanding.