That sucks :(

When I think about it, my X CS also would lie, mostly to get him out a jam that wasn't really a jam. Like, really dumb shit For instance, one time...and I mean ONE TIME my X needed to stay home from work to be with our son when he was sick, my X lied to his boss about his reason. Or, as I realized what a liar he was through the cheating, he would lie and tell me he asked for time off but the boss said no, when in reality, he never asked. He would lie pretty much about anything that would let him avoid a confrontation. Not just with me, but anyone.

Cowards.

I think basically - yes. But I think there is an "explanation" for the compulsive lying. This was in a thread on CA.:

"I was always "fine." This leaked in to other aspects of my life. I told "white lies" to people because I thought that was what they wanted to hear... This habitual lying taught me how to lead a double life,"

My own family was basically a bunch of ostriches. Unless it was one of two extremes; easy to fix or imminent life and death, we buried our heads in the sand. All of the stuff in between was ignored. So, through omission mostly, I was raised with "white lies and rose colored glasses"

I know for sure that my soon to be ex husband would look at me straight in the eyes and would do everything in his power and sometimes swear that He isn't lying... I put up a few years of that and even now He still lies and make me the bad person when he is the one who ruined the family and left us for a whore...

I have come to thank him for cheating at least I am free from all the lies and not with the man whom I thought I knew but I don't think I ever did... Life is free from a compulsive liar :)

Compulsive? Perhaps...my ex lied to me about anything she needed to at the moment for whatever reason worked for her. She did this mostly to avoid confrontation. Two of her most common reasons were, "I didn't want to hurt you." ( absolutely love that one) and "I didn't want to put up with the hassel of arguing."

I try not to think about it too much anymore but in the begining, I used to wonder about how much of what she said was really true throughout our relationship...it sucks to think like that but it is normal to after being cheated on for any length of time or at all for that matter.

I don't think that believing the lies makes us fools...felt that way too...in a committed relationship, you are supposed to be able to trust and to have open communication. It doesn't make us fools and idiots for believing people we loved and trusted...in my situation, I think it makes her a fool for lying to me because our divorce could have been different. We may still have been able to maintain a relationship of some level. Of course there still would have been some emotional pain but I would have had respect and still had trust for her if she left me prior to all the bs. \

In the end, I have to feel that it is better this way. I have time to heal and live my life. I may have had tried to hang on much longer if she just left me before she met anyone to cheat with...idk. Since this is my second cheating ex wife situation, I can say that this one will be easier in the long run because we do not have children together...but they both lied frequently....to answer your question.

Blue Knight 69 - Thank you for the content about how you are not a fool Because: In a committed relationship you are SUPPOSED to trust the other person. I'm up crying tonight because the extremity of my situation first makes me giggle ( husband has been meeting strange men for sex f or 5 years) - but then crazy sadness overwhelms me.

your comment at least reminds me that I am not a fool.

he is a total ass.

I have a hunch it's due to poor self esteem. They can't own the truth because their self-concept is that weak.

My ex is a compulsive liar, but over stupid stuff. He doesn't even know he's doing it because it's little, inconsequential things, but drives me crazy, nonetheless.

Both of my exs lied. My ex husband for low self esteem lied almost from the moment I met him. Stupid meaningless lies that grew to huge ones. Hid a debt of $120,000 from me. My ex fiance lied to cover his shortcomings. He lied to avoid realizing he couldn't do what was expected and agreed to. Justification for their actions I guess.

Yes, compulsive liar...

I don't know that all of them are. But I do know about at least a few of them. And, all of the ones I know about lie. They lie because it is to their advantage in some, or many, ways to lie. They want to do what they're doing, and they want something from you too. So, in order to have both things, they have to lie. I mean, what might have happened had my X told me the truth of his behavior? I would divorce him, of course. He didn't want a divorce. He wanted what I gave to him. He also wanted to fool around with others. He didn't love them. He didn't love me. He loved himself. I found enough of the truth to divorce him. Interestingly enough, he continued to try to lie, which was at times extremely amusing for me to watch. The last time I had occasion to speak with him at all, which was around twenty years after I divorced him, he still lied. By then, it wasn't even amusing just ridiculas. Of course they all lie. They want what they want. And, to tell the truth will cost "them" something. Lord forbid that happen?

I wonder if they ever have a light bulb moment where they say, 'maybe if I have to lie about it, I shouldn't be doing it in the first place?'

I always wondered that about my Ex. Even asked him about that from time to time.

....then I would call him Captain Obvious ....

As far as your question, cmonge, I have no answer. some people just lie. Some just don't.

Sending you support, L~

My X definitely lied to avoid confrontation. He was/is a pussy, though, when it comes to actually following through and owning his actions.

I find lying part of he territory. My h did it in all kinds if ways - lying to say he was "just friends" with women he was flirting with, lying about the affair obviously, and being untruthful in his desire to change - he would make small changes for a short time - just enough to end he argument with me - and then start up the behavior again. There's also lying by omission - whih was another favorite of his. I also had the experience of a smaller deception after d-day and found it excruciatingly horrible - it unlocked a lot of pain. I've read that can happen. For those who are deciding whether to stay or go it can seal the deal because somehow it feels so much worse to be casually lied to after we have gone through d-day and its aftermath.

I didn't lie endlessly about my affair. My husband knew where I wax going and who I was going with. The OM frequently delivered me home from our 'dates', sometimes picked me up to take me out. I didn't hide and I was open about having affection and more for him, and about being confused by my feelings. My husband never questioned, didn't want to see or face what was happening, so I didn't have to lie.

I am, otherwise, a habitually honest person, often to my own detriment. I suck at keeping secrets and if he had asked for more info when I hinted that there was more to tell I would have spilled it all.

DH, on the other hand, verges on being a compulsive liar. He is a conflict avoider who finds it easier to cover his add than to tell the truth, often even when the truth would bring no negative consequence. I don't even begin to understand it, as I prefer to operate with all cards on the table.

Nice Post, Fiber. I own my shit even to my own detriment too. Most times, it is.

L~

My wife will lie about dumb stuff as well. I have always chalked it up to low self-esteem and being raised in a family with a hot-headed father and a mother who always chose to keep quiet and not rock the boat. It's one of the main reasons I didn't confront her when I first got 100% proof of her affair. I figured she would simply run from the shame, and I knew she had to confess on her own terms without feeling painted into a corner if we were ever going to have a chance to save our marriage. Luckily it only took her a couple months to finally come clean, and we are in the process of rebuilding. I feel that she's been more honest about this than she has been about anything else during our marriage.

Who knows what today will bring...