Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am so lost. My boyfriend of 10 years has cheated on me. He wouldn't admit it, it took me looking into his phone to find out. Then he blamed me saying that he wants to go out late at night and i don't, which is funny b/c when we first got together it was the other way around, he used to get upset if i wanted to start our saturday evening at 9pm, he would say it was too late, so i per usual, let him take the lead and followed, b/c it just wasnt that big of a deal for me. Last week we hada huge blow out and as I waited (like an idiot) for him to call me, he called the other girl and went out with her. this past friday we had another blow out, b/c i need to talk and i need to get my feelings out and he blew up at me and said that my behavior (me wanting to express my feelings) where going to push him away, he called me horrible names in public and i left as did he. This past saturday we tried again, it wasa pleasant evening i made sure to just try and be in the moment and it seemed like old times, sunday we had afternoon drinks and again it was nice, but then that evening he dissappeared all evening (we do not live together) and where he usually calls me every evening around 930pm he didnot call and texted me at about 1am saying good night, when i replied asking where we you, he said he had fallen asleep, that is out of character for him and i don't believe him. i have som much invested in our relationship but i feel that one moment he wants in and the next no. i know someone is in his ear, b/c he has said things to be that in the 10 years we've been together he's ever said....i am lost, i can't focus, my chest aches....etc. my brain tells me to leave, he's been downright insulting calling me names when we argue, and disrespecting me and threatning me, but my heart is torn, i am smart, i am strong (at least i thought i was), and i never would have thought that i would be in this postion. i feel along, I don't have anyone to speak with...
You have been together 10 yrs. Why aren’t you married? Living together? Usually there is an end game to “dating”. Like marriage...
He pushing you away because he is a coward and doesn’t want to break up. He wants to keep you around because you are a sure thing.
Block his calls, block him on social media. I doubt this is the first time he’s cheated.
Be thankful you do not have children,
He is being ugly. Why? Is this what you dreamed of when you were a girl?
A guy who treats you like this?
Move on.
I can speak to this in a manner that I hope may give you some direction.
I am totally in love. Have been for years - and went through many hoops to achieve the ability to be honest with myself, my wife at the time and my lover.
It’s not easy at all.
We are all scared and don’t believe we can do better or step away on our own. It’s daunting. Change petrifies.
I’ve learned via being honest and stepping into the dark that those are incredibly special moments - and while there are plenty I didn’t do (I’m no preacher or know better than you), I’ve never taken the step and not gained.
I’ve made millions of dumb mistakes and hurt myself and the people I love, but I can’t dwell in that nor can I keep them hostage to my apologies.
When I cheated it took a long time to be honest. Not only with my wife, but myself.
I was scared to death.
The pleasures of the flesh are the light to moths - all of us have a base instinct to reproduce and while that is far from an excuse for anything related to commitment, it’s excatly why commitment is so important to us all.
We deny sexual opportunities and there is no greener grass.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
That’s bullsh*t - and not even human nature.
I am not speaking against monogamy or commitment as I have both and charish it, but it’s simply not what our dna tells us to do.
Here’s my point -
Cheating became the best thing that’s ever happened to my relationship. I was able to evaluate myself, judge myself and come to the inevitable conclusion of my confusion.
What was it that I wanted? What was important?
Who am I and how do I want to remember myself?
The answers to those questions gave me incredible insight and direction.
I was able to admit it, own it, swallow the shame and pain and fight to prove it to the woman I love (who, like anyone else was immediately out - FU).
I didn’t give up.
I didn’t go elsewhere.
I found solace in my own defeat - which is difficult for us guys to do - enabled by my answers to the questions above that I’d asked myself.
I’m with my love now.
Our relationship is actually stronger because of this.
Here’s why I wrote all of this to you - a total stranger -
If there is no penance paid; no remorse; no renewed commitment...
This is not the right person for you.
Don’t be afraid.
Step into the dark and believe there is a step.
You will wake up in a higher place.
Personal counseling would be a good idea which may help you end things with this guy and help prepare you to enter a healthy relationship with a decent man with your own emotional health in check.
No one deserves to be cheated on unless you are cheating on him.
~50% of men/women have been or are ongoing cheaters. That is the state of humanity and aside from staying single there is no way to avoid it.
Yeah, I didn’t think so!