Hello all. My name's Andrew and I learned my wife was having an affair about 2 weeks ago. I'm still reeling and feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I've lost probably 10 pounds and have little appetite.

She's cut off contact with the man she'd been seeing and he likewise because he told his wife and basically threatened to take away their daughter. My wife couldn't have that on her conscience. She says wants to work it out and wants to fall back in love with me and i desperately want to pursue her back. I know I've had shortcomings as a husband but I want to deal with my own feelings while simultaneously rebuilding our relationship.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I'm looking more for others who may not be able to talk publicly about this but who want and need to.

Hello all. My name's Andrew and I learned my wife was having an affair about 2 weeks ago. I'm still reeling and feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I've lost probably 10 pounds and have little appetite.

She's cut off contact with the man she'd been seeing and he likewise because he told his wife and basically threatened to take away their daughter. My wife couldn't have that on her conscience. She says wants to work it out and wants to fall back in love with me and i desperately want to pursue her back. I know I've had shortcomings as a husband but I want to deal with my own feelings while simultaneously rebuilding our relationship.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I'm looking more for others who may not be able to talk publicly about this but who want and need to.

UPDATE: I discovered my wife was *still* in contact with the other guy. I confronted her and asked in a way that gave her a way to admit the truth. She denied it and said she hadn't seen him or talked to him. I told her that I knew she'd been texting him and deleting the messages, that the contact number was under a different name, and that I called the number and heard the voicemail message.

I was so mad, I was shaking. Basically I told her that I can't be trying to fix the relationship by myself when she's going behind my back and hiding it. I told her that I want to love her and that I want to be with her, but if she's going to be doing this, then I'm done. She needed to make her mind up and cut out the bullshit or I'm kicking her out. I told her the only reason  I was still wearing my wedding ring was so people at work wouldn't ask questions but that I'm done. I asked if she wanted me to tell her parents why she was moving in with them and she said no very weakly. I wasn't trying to bully her but she has to know that this is unacceptable and that ALL CONTACT has to be broken off with this guy, at bare minimum.

UPDATE 2: My wife spoke with me after I left for work, knowing full well that I was ready to kick her out and move on. She said she ended it with him again and wants to regain my trust and work it out, knowing that it might mean checking her phone every night. She said she would be okay with that. (I don't want to become controlling but at the same time I don't trust her fully right now...)

She admitted that it was stupid, that she was sorry, and that she was doing it for attention and it wasn't fair to me, all things she had yet to admit to me. All the things I've done these past few weeks to show her that we can be better together she finally understands in gratitude and said it was bringing tears to her eyes. She said he's gone, it's over, and she knows she's broken my trust but she does love me and wants only me. She wants to make things right, which I appreciate and want to believe. I do believe her and I want our relationship repaired and stronger.

This may be what we needed. It will be tough I understand but I do get the sense that she's committed. The sense of losing me didn't hit her until today when she saw how pissed I was. I'm still hurt and I'm still going to have issues trusting her, but I do feel that we are making progress again. I'll update later when I'm home from work and we have a chance to talk more.