Is there enough of a marriage here to save?

I’m hoping so. He says there is. I guess only time will tell

I think y'all need to make sure you are both on the same page about your relationship are y'all broken up or are y'all together.....just have that conversation about where y'all are at because if he does bring someone home to get back at you then that's not a good start to working things out it will only cause more problems I know I thought about revenge when I found out about my husband's affair but i also know two wrongs don't make a right so I didn't do it we just had to make sure we were both in agreement about where our relationship was and if we were together and working things out I wasn't gonna bring another issue into the mix just my thoughts tho

I’m going to ask him next time we talk. That’s a very good question that I’ve been trying to find the words to ask.

So I asked and he gave me a roundabout answer. Said we are married right. Not quite what I was looking for but it’s a step forward

2wrongs don't make a right!!!

Move back into your house. You cannot work on things if you are absent. The only reason to leave is if he is threatening your safety. It’s gonna suck, so suck it up and answer any and all questions he has honestly.
Ever get to the bottom of him being absent? Was he away at work? Emotionally absent?

I’m moving back in on Friday. We already discussed that. He was emotionally absent. He’s also a porn addict. His porn, tv, cell phone, and pot became more important than his family. He came home every night but wasn’t available to me or our children. Our oldest had a Grand Mal seizure back in September and I was the one who found him seizing on our couch. I had recurring nightmares about it. I wanted to talk to him about it and he was always too busy to talk to me

It's hard for someone to cope when they find out their spouse has betrayed and cheated on them.

It doesn't appear he has very good coping skills to begin with as stress causes him to withdrawn and turn to addiction.

As such, it is highly likely that his coping regarding your affair will probably be self-destructive in nature. Revenge affairs are such things as they provide temporary relief from pain but come with more negatives.

You are both going to need significant personal counseling if this has a chance of working out. If he can't manage general life stressors in healthy fashion, even if you do absolutely everything correctly post affair he may simple be unable to get past this.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. It's good that you're getting counseling; however, sometimes it becomes necessary to switch to a different counselor or minister if you both are not really connecting with the current therapist. It seems that you guys have several issues to deal with and you probably need someone who can help you work through it.

no details about him being absent

straying = adultery= cheating=infidelity = wallowing in ones own filth with another sneaky slime-ball ...just saying