Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi.. I don’t know how to start..!
I’m 34 yrs old woman, married for 9 years, and we’ve been together 5 years before that..
my husband and I were totally in love and best friends..!
we’ve been struggling with conceiving a child, and we underwent a lot of tests.. I had multiple surgeries and hundreds of injections.. multiply failed IVF trials.. until once we had a successful one and I got pregnant but sadly I had a miscarriage.. Strangely, my husband was unhappy about my pregnancy, and he was indifferent about my miscarriage..!!
6 months ago, in his birthday, I was going to work very early in the morning, and I’ve found an envelope left for me on my car’s front window..! With my name typed in a very formal way: “Urgent and Privet, To be Handed to Dr. ...........”!, I honestly thought it was related to work but I was surprised that it was left on my car..!
It was just like in the movies.. I opened the envelope, and found formal papers from regarding divorce forms my husband prepared 3 years ago, and also some papers with a woman’s name on about marriage arrangements between her and my husband.. and also a court case from her against my husband for emotional damage since he didn’t keep his promise to marry her..!!
I went to work, tried to finish early, he was waiting for me at home since we had plans for his birthday.. I confronted him with the papers.. He was very calm, and said: it’s true, it was 3 years ago and I ended it.. I wanted to divorce you and marry that woman.. but I’ve realized that was stupid and ended everything..!
my world collapsed.. he was with her at the same time I was going through surgeries and trying to conceive..!.. I can’t understand how can somebody be so selfish and let his wife go through all that shit while he’s having an affair and thinking of a divorce..!!!
we stayed separated for 3 months, he was begging every day for me to take him back.. I finally agreed, we’re living together for 3 months now.. the reason I agreed was that I wanted to see how would I truly feel when I’m with him.. To give him a chance so I don’t have regrets.. we have 5 frozen embryos together and if we got divorced, it will feel that I’ll have to kill them..!
in these 3 months he was trying his best to earn my trust back.. He’s buying me stuff, taking me places, we traveled twice.. but still I’m reliving what happened.. reliving my miscarriage in which I was totally alone during it while he was with her..!!
I’m lost, depressed, unable to forget, unable to trust, unable to get over it..!
I asked for a divorce but he’s completely against it.. It’s not an option according to him..
Deep inside I’m not ready to go through the divorce process, and not so sure that I truly want a divorce..!
I don’t know what to do..!
I think he needs to make it very clear to the OW that their relationship is over. He can call her and put her on speaker, or he can write her a letter and you mail it, and there is always a restraining order.
Next he needs to get into therapy. And you need to be seeing your own therapist. You are living with a lot of pain, not only from the infidelity, but your fertility problems. Cheaters tend to lie in marriage counseling. I'd put that on the shelf.
You don't have to make up your mind today or tomorrow. See how you feel after you both have spent time in therapy.
Regarding the embryos... you can always adopt them and have the adoptive parents implant them.
Because the last thing you need is to feel guilty about killing them.
He hasn't shown any character traits that are becoming a good father to begin with.
It may have been a blessing to not have children with him given his actions/behavior.
You don't have to rush to make a decision. It takes time to be able to discern whether or not he is even worth taking back.
If I didn't have a young child with my wife when she confessed to cheating I likely would have just ended it. If I found out that she was also planning to divorce me anyways I certainly would have just left her.
The question is what happens when the next trade up opportunity happens?
(BTW I'm not questioning your worth in any sense as any woman who would have an affair with a married man is of very poor quality)
I felt all of those things at one time. I stayed with my husband and lived 20 more years of hell. For a while he did everything right and it looked like he was really changing. Then it all stopped. And then it all started again. And again he was begging for forgiveness, excuses that usually involved "it's your fault it happened" or "you forgot about me" or "i'm sorry i was wrong and it wont happen again until the next time".
As time went on, those excuses turned to anger and resentment on his part and mine. I know there are two cliche. One being "cheaters never change" and the other being "you should forgive and move on". But remember "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me".
Whatever you decide protect yourself.