Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
It has been 4 months since I found out about my H's affair and our babies have both been home for 3 months. I feel like we are just going through the motions. I am a stay at home mom for the year. I feel like we don't talk and when we do he doesn't listen. My wants and needs are not a priority.
I am having a tough time swallowing the fact that you can be with someone for years, have a great relationship, and then they throw it all away in a split second. It is like starting over except we don't have the time to date/court like we did in the beginning.
I am curious to know if most of your CS cheated after years together? Did the cheating start long before you found out? What have you done to salvage your relationship?
At this point, my head is telling me that I love him but, am no longer "in love" with him. I guess that is my way of protecting myself. I'm just not sure where to go from here. If I walk away my babies will not have a relationship with their dad. He has already told me that if we aren't together he will move back home (across the country). I don't think staying together for the children is logical. However, my babies shouldn't suffer because of his indiscretions. That isn't fair to them. They deserve a dad. Any insight is appreciated.
I am having a tough time swallowing the fact that you can be with someone for years, have a great relationship, and then they throw it all away in a split second. It is like starting over except we don't have the time to date/court like we did in the beginning.
I am curious to know if most of your CS cheated after years together? Did the cheating start long before you found out? What have you done to salvage your relationship?
At this point, my head is telling me that I love him but, am no longer "in love" with him. I guess that is my way of protecting myself. I'm just not sure where to go from here. If I walk away my babies will not have a relationship with their dad. He has already told me that if we aren't together he will move back home (across the country). I don't think staying together for the children is logical. However, my babies shouldn't suffer because of his indiscretions. That isn't fair to them. They deserve a dad. Any insight is appreciated.
You're absolutely right--your babies do deserve a father. A devoted, loving, present father. If you left, would he be this? If you stayed, would he still be this? Present physically, maybe, but one thing I have learned throughout my career is that children without positive male role models suffer. If your babies' father is distant, cold, aloof, or not interested in being a parent, they will pick up on it--instinctively--even at a very young age. It is your decision to make, as it seems he is being passive so as not to be the "bad guy."
It seems like you are a very loving and thoughtful person. I can only imagine the pain and frustration you must be enduring. Could you talk with your spouse and see if he is interested in going to MC w/ you? Maybe your marriage can be saved, if you want that. Whatever you decide-whatever he is or isn't willing to do-know that we support you and will be here to help you through this. Keep posting. It will help you sort things out in your own mind and heart. Love and peace to you.
I have been married 26 years and found out about his A 3 months ago. We have talked and are going to counseling. Things are better... but this is the most difficult choice I have had to make... Stay and work on this.
Give him a book... If he is willing to work, let him. "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" by Jennifer Mac Donald ... That's where we started. He read the book in less than a day. He basically does whatever I ask of him and after reading that book he really changed. Between marriage counseling, reading books together I am trying to find a way to move on.. It is difficult. I am no way an expert but if this is something you both want then it is possible to get through this.
The affair started while we were in counseling and while I was pregnant. The OW was very involved in our lives. She even saw and held my babies while they were in the NICU. The level of deceit on his part was enough to make me feel worse than I did when my body failed my sons that we lost. I truly feel that way and it terrifies me.
As far as being a dad, he is very hands on and helpful. He does night time feedings and isn't afraid to change a dirty diaper.
Jaymee, I purchased that book last night after I posted. It will be here tomorrow and I plan on giving it to him. I guess I feel his mentality is it is done, move forward. But, I think a lot has to change. We both have to work harder at our marriage.