I’m sorry you are going through this. She is not remorseful. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Read my post “welcome to the newly betrayed” for some advice and first steps.

Thank you for that post. I didn't even consider going to counseling by myself. I don't want this to be the end. It just doesn't seem like there is going to be any other end. We have two awesome boys, they will be crushed

so because her fuck buddy won't leave his your, your cheating wife that won't leave him will try and work it out with you.
what does she want to workout, that she still sucks his cock from time to time will you and she are on the same car insurance policy?

she has already crushed the boys, she's stuck a knife in their fathers heat and she wants you to hide that

cheaters only love themselves,
they love themselves more than their children,

be absolutely certain she breaks all ties with him - delete as a contact on phone, email and social media. be certain she is committed to the relationship. It will take work on both your parts to grow from this. Counselling is not a bad idea

Some ugly truths need to be faced ahead,,, why she did, how she's changed, how you will change, how you each move past it all. it can be done but it isn't an easy road

One more note, see my journal on my advice on advice and counselling

Thank you for the support. I don't think she truly wants to reconcile right now. I think it's lip service to point at least. I don't know she's got me spinning about as much as he has her head messed up.

If she doesn't want to reconcile, then do not settle for being her plan B. You deserve more than being her sloppy seconds. Get tested for STDs, see an attorney, start getting your ducks in a row. I'm sorry!

I feel your pain man! My wife had an affair and I caught her last month. I knew it in my gut, but tried convincing myself I was just paranoid cuz things werent right. Some days I feel nothing but hate for her. Others I feel like if she begged me to take her back I would. But I know that is NOT what I should do!! I know IT will NEVER be right again. I know ill always question her and I CANT live like that! No one deserves to live like that! I, in the short time of dealing with this, I have had to come to a couple conclusions: 1; its not her that I am missing. It is what we WERE that Im missing! Its what I thought we had/were that I miss! 2; I believe a huge part of why I feel id take her back, is because it sounds easier. This whole process is incredibly emotionally draining! Add that with all the questions and thoughts about how/what all happened... well you get it! Its too fkn much!! Its overwhelming!! So being able to try to remind myself of this is helpful! What I miss... is gone! Who I miss.. has changed! What I have to deal with (no matter how overwhelming) is inevitable! So the sooner the better! Hang tough man! Thats all we can do!

to add to betrayedtodeath's comments - being her plan B will only last until she finds a new plan A... a stepping stone, unless she recommits and YOU BOTH want reconciliation and are prepared to put in the work

Man I love the support I am getting. One positive out of this whole thing is I have learned what a great support system I have in my life. It helps me when she makes me feel like I'm nothing to remember I am pretty awesome or all these people wouldn't be there for me. I will do whatever I can to reconcile I have decided but I am also protecting myself and more importantly my boys as well. I have a consultation with a lawyer next week that has a great rep for working with men. Taking it one day at a time. I still see the woman I fell in love with from time to time but it doesn't seem to stick. Thank you all for the continued support and advice. I hope when I get my head on straight I will be able to the same for others on here.

I don't believe she was ever the woman you fell in love with. Most cheaters show one person on the outside but are the opposite in the inside. Call it acting or lying her persona is a façade used to better her life.

Contradictory actions such as saying she wants you back and then sleeping with the guy again exemplify this.

She is like an animal who swings on vines. She doesn't let go of the last one until she has a good grip on the other.

She was going to leave you for the next guy but the vine disappeared so she is trying to hold on to you until she can secure the next guy again.

Unfortunately a common issue is that cheaters do no see their spouse as beings that have value and require love. They see the spouse as a means to better their lives financially, emotionally, and provide stability and safety.

She is not repentant or interested in change. She needs you as a fall back plan to take care of her financially, emotionally, and protect her in the case she can't fine another guy. That's not love.

I enjoy the fact that my car takes me to place to place, is reliable, safe, and gives me a sense of success. At the same I wouldn't mind replacing it with someone better with no moral qualms. There is nothing wrong with this, its just a hunk of steel and plastic.

When we treat people as objects this perspective becomes something to be reviled and inhuman . Yet, so many people live in this head space.

Lawyer up as she has only signs of continued and increased selfishness and evil intentions.