I don't know that I have any great advice here, but, I think the most important thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself and your baby on the way. You just found out, and the devastating revelation that your spouse is cheating can/will take a toll on your emotional and physical health. You may have to consciously force yourself to eat, for your own health and the health of your baby. You are most likely in both a state of shock, and that panicked and desperate feeling that you have to do something right now to save your marriage. You don't. He does. You have to set the ground rules for what he needs to do to begin earning some trust back, because right now, he has lost that privilege. He needs to give you every password, pin, account info, anything that you ask/tell him to do. He needs to delete every social app he has, he should have no life outside of you right now. If he isn't willing to do everything you need from him, then he isn't worthy of being your husband. You focus on yourself and the baby. You can have a happy life again, whether he wants to be in that life or not, he needs to earn that right.

All I can do is give you a hug. I've been down this road of filth and it is lonely. Right now in the immediate, just as looking said, protect you and your baby, that is your priority now.

Thank you so much for your advice it means so much to get different perspectives on this as my emotions are so raw right now. You are completely right my main priority is taking care of my baby right now. I am a solution oriented person so It's in my nature to try and fix this now. I understand though that nothing can happen overnight. My husband has deleted all his social accounts and will be changing his phone number. We have a therapy apt. This week as well. He seems eager to work things out but just don't know if I can ever forgive the hurt he has caused me. Thank you as gain for your kind words and advice. I need all the support I can get right now.

You're right, Emotions will be especially raw for the next few weeks. Only you can discover when and if you can forgive him. BTW, forgiving doesn't mean he suffers no consequences from his actions. It just means you aren't going to punish him over it yourself. He still has to fix what is wrong with him.

And that is the real point. Whatever he may feel or think as to why he's done this, it is a character flaw within himself, especially since this has been a long-term habit of his, more likely a sexual addiction by this point. He needs to see a counselor for himself, to get the help he needs to overcome this habit he's formed. It isn't impossible for him to overcome it, but it will take a lot of determination and effort on his part to change his behavior and the way he relates to people to a more healthy mode. He can't do it by sheer will power. He needs to get help.

For yourself, unless you are in an abusive relationship or you just know you're done, there is no need to make an immediate decision on anything. Best to give yourself a few weeks to let the emotions settle down and see how serious he is about fixing his problem. If after 3 - 5 months you don't feel he is doing that, you may need to draw a line in the sand. But for now, give yourself time to grieve over what you've lost and prepare for what's ahead. And if he's serious about helping you through this, I highly suggest he get and read/listen to the book, "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. It's short and concise, but will point him in the right directions on how to best help you and himself. But be very aware, healing from infidelity takes years, not weeks or months. Don't expect to have returned to "normal" for a minimum of at least two years. If this doesn't destroy your relationship with him permanently, rebuilding will be a marathon, not a sprint. If he isn't fully cooperative with rebuilding efforts, you may decide the effort to risk ratio is too great, and opt out. That has its own issues but sometimes it is the least of all evils if it appears he won't stop.

I had a friend who after over 30 years of marriage found out her husband had been cheating on her their whole marriage. He became convicted and finally confessed after 30 years. They did end up divorcing because he didn't feel he could change, being that was the way he was raised, but she's doing well on her own now. One way or the other, you'll heal this wound as long as you don't put up with continued cheating by never leaving if he doesn't quit. But these first weeks are quite the emotional roller coaster. I'd never experienced anything like it before or since. Hope I never have to again. Take your time to let the dust settle and see where you are both at in this process. Get both of you checked for STDs as he's put your health at risk. That was one of the things I was most mad at my wife about. She was willing to play Russian Roulette with my life without my consent or knowledge. In a couple of weeks, you may want to have a free consult with a lawyer about your options if you decide to separate/divorce should it come to that. The more you know and can prepare, the better position you'll be in to draw those lines in the sand and stick to them. if he crosses them.

The only other advice I would give is to read up on this. There are several good books you can read. From how you described yourself, a good one to get is:

Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart by Douglas K. Snyder - Comprehensive, balanced, and helpful not only in dealing with the initial emotional upheaval in the days immediately after discovery day, but also in working through the various issues of rebuilding. Ideal for both the hurt and unfaithful spouse to work through together. A good book to get and read as soon as possible.

Thank you cole50 your insight and advice is so appreciated. I am just so shocked that this is my life right now. I loved my husband with ever fiber of my being and I never in a million years thought of him as a cheater. I believe to your point that this is a very deep rooted problem of sexual addiction. He is seeking professional help right away which helps me to believe that he wants to get better and fix this. He is sobbing and begging for forgiveness and I know it's too early to even begin to tell if I can give him that. Thank you for the book suggestions I will be sure to check those out. I have decided not to tell my family right now in the chance that we stick this out I don't want that dynamic to change. But at the same time it's killing me inside hiding that from them. My heart is just so heavy right now.

I understand what you are going through Dmassey6. I cannot say anything more than what has already been said. All I know from personal experience is that unless he acknowledges and takes responsibility for his actions, things will never change. Just remember you can handle this and will handle it to the best of your abilities. I was 5.5 months pregnant when I received a call from a woman the Ex was seeing. It is not easy when you hear something like that and you are dealing with a first child. Good luck!!!

Sometimes it's just better for me to leave you with a presentation from someone else.
I haven't been through this exact thing but my H did have a child outside of our marriage so I know that sense of being sick to your stomach almost every moment of every day. I lost 40lbs because of it. It was nice for me, but it probably isn't great for you right now, so you need a new perspective.
If you are open to possibly changing your mindset watch the video on the link below and if you find it particularly helpful, I have lots more...
I believe in prayer; it saved my life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en

All I can add is don't make any huge life changes right now. Your emotions are too high to even try to 'think'. Also, I do hope you can tell someone who loves you and wants the best for you. You need a support system that's not just the internet. I'm sure there is a megachurch in your area and they are full of people wanting to help others, and they are so big you can find anonymity from the masses too.

Thank you @movingon2016 and @redsimon. Your wisdom and encouragement is truly appreciated. It really helps to hear all situations and outlooks and while I am in no position to make any decisions right now it does help to weigh my options. My baby is my main concern and I am trying my hardest to not rush into anything one way or the other. My husband has made several strides in the last few days - He has set us up with therapy appointments, reached out to the church for support, changed his phone number and cancelled all his social media accounts. I can see that he knows he tremendously hurt me and I never want him to forget that. He is saying and doing all the right things but it has only been a few days and he is in full damage control mode. I think these next few months will be telling. He needs to fix himself and find out what drove him to his poor decisions and I need to understand "why" and ultimately if i can ever forgive him and learn to trust him. I want so badly to hear that this can change a man. I have heard so many stories of things falling apart and it not working out it makes me so scared. I was truly happy with him and couldn't picture my life with out him. Thinking that I might have to live with out him even though he caused me so much pain makes me so sad for myself and for our unborn child. But ultimately I want to make the decision that will result in mine and my daughters true happiness whether that is with or with out him. Any stories of over coming infidelity please share.

you owe it to your unborn child to get a std test, ugly reality, but urgent & true

My story is one of triumph.
I told my husband that I didn't want him anymore, after 10 years of marriage, but ultimately I put my mind on saving our marriage and that's what I did.

I did it my own way, though. I only found this site a few months ago. We're super happy now.and we've been blessed beyond what we ever imagined and they keep coming. I can't explain why or how other than. God and my H truly wanting to be the man I already knew him to be. It is who he is, it just took my faith and encouragement to bring out the best in him. He wants to fill those expectations now... and he's an even better dad!

I think it's important to remember that you fell in love with a good person. If he was a good person then, then he's probably a good person now... only really messed up... if you married him and promised him in sickness and in health that you would be there I think you should honor that. He obviously has a sickness and he needs you to lean on as he gets the help.he needs. The way he'll treat you probably will be a reflection of how you treat him.

I think the thing that has made my marriage grow is the fact that I don't play the victim card. I don't remind him every day of what he did. We've moved on.

If you really need further encouragement you can pm me and I'll help as much as possible. It's ultimately your decision, though. You have to be strong enough for what happens either way. Do you want to give your husband a second chance at fatherhood or do you want to gamble with his other relationships as you co-parent your daughter away from him. That's pretty big.

I'm with refurb. I think it is terribly sad that your husband has been cheating on you for 6 years out of your 9 year relationship. So, 3 years before yall were married and then the 3 years of your marriage.

Reismom, Did you husband cheat on your for more years than he was faithful or was it just a one time thing?

Faithful isn't really the right word. How about loving and respectful and loyal?

Just offering you a big HUG!! I completely understand. Stay strong. Don't let this harden your heart. Use this to make yourself stronger... For you and your baby. Things can get better.

It sounds like he's never been faithful at all to you. What makes you think he'll start now that he's caught. He'll probably go underground with his encounters and contacts. Personally, I think I'd cut my losses and move on.

I'm sorry to read your story. You've received some very good advice here. I concur with lookingforclosure in what she has said.

It sounds like your wayward husband has realized his errors, and whether or not he'll see the light and make the necessary changes is up to him. There's nothing you can do to change him, only he can do that. What you can do is to let him know what is and is not acceptable. As long as he's sincere and authentic, I believe you will be able to reconcile and enjoy a future together.

My cheating spouse had been cheating with the same person for the entire 7 years we had been together. While his mother was dying of cancer, he'd visit her out of town every weekend, and the regularity of it is what lead him to slip up and leave a roadside motel receipt in his recycling basket. There were so many how-could-you's running through my mind. So many why's, and what-for's; where was his conscience during this time?

He somehow found a way to disconnect his feelings. He downplayed it, called it "only-messing-around", referred to the affair partner as a "friend", and refused to see it for what it was: infidelity. After numerous lengthy and heart-wrenching discussions and arguments, I was able to get him to say, out loud, what he was really doing. And only then was he able to make the changes necessary to keep me in his life.

Going into damage control, is often not authentic. It's good that he is doing all the things you mention, but he has to go the extra mile to make you feel secure enough to attempt to trust him again. Forgiveness will take a long time to achieve, and that only happens when all triggers are removed and buried. A serial cheater has an addiction of sorts, and it doesn't go away overnight, in a month or even a year, it's something that he now has to work on for the rest of his life, just like any other addiction.

Your child is precious and can feel everything you experience. Whether or not he can be the person you need him to be is up to him, but you can be the person you want and need to be. You may have to work hard to push your thoughts aside to concentrate on your health and well-being. He's the father of this child, and he will want the same things as you, so you have that on your side.

Many have gone through similar situations to yours and have reconciled and stayed together. Some will say their marriage is so much better, yada-yada-yada, and some will tell you that they continue to struggle. But this is not about them or anyone other than you and yours. The roadmap is the one you create.

I would recommend, if possible, that you find a good therapist to hash out the 'why's' and anything else that's zooming through your mind. Most cheating spouses can't figure it out themselves, and are daft at explaining their reasons for doing it. I'd seek one now, before your child is born, to help you now and after the birth. I sought weekly appointments with a Relational Therapist for a year, and it helped me immensely.

The one thing that you will come away with, is strength and a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.

I wish you, your child, and your husband well.