Hello. I guess I'll get right to it. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 cheated on me. How did I find out? I went through his phone and found sexually explicit text messages. Apparently, for a while, he had been having sex with several women. This was December 12th. Since then I have been having a horrible time. He said he would stop. He even allowed me to put a tracker on his phone. But this tracker made me crazier than ever. I found myself obsessed with his location and constantly checked the app. I couldn't sleep. Barely ate. I'm still not eating properly. Eventually a big blow up, on his part, prompted him to delete the trackers. Whenever I asked to look at his phone, I found apps like "Vault" and asked him to open it. When he did, I found out he was hiding phone numbers. He claimed to not be able to figure out how to deleter the numbers. Claimed to not be able to figure out how to delete the vault. When I did, very easily in fact, his whole face changed. Evidently I had just deleted some things he wanted to keep. Even after he deleted the tracker I was still able to sign into his cell phone account (had been with him long enough to know his usual password) I was still able to see who he called. On New Years Eve he stayed with me, but his son text him to say "Keshia is here waiting for you". I was flabbergasted. Why would he tell me he wanted to be holding ME when the new year came in, and have another woman waiting for him at his house. Long story short, another blow up by him, he stormed out, I followed him home, he was in his car with her driving her somewhere, I followed, he dropped her off, I spoke to her, she claimed he was just "helping her", would not admit to much else except he came looking for her that day, and that she had been to his house several times. There was another girl on Facebook who had the nerve to send me a friend request. Still another he called on a regular. The whole time still telling me he wanted things to work with us. The latest blowup came a couple of days ago when again I asked to see his phone. He said that his phone is his private place. How could he expect me to give him privacy when with privacy before he hurt me so bad??? I asked him why after I'd been through so much discomfort, couldn't he deal with some. I asked him if I was important enough for that. He never answered. I said Ok....In my mind I gave up I guess. The next morning I text him and asked for a jacket of mine....a jacket that's all. He called me later that morning and said "Fuck You"....I couldn't believe it. He later apologized, by text, said I didn't deserve that, didn't deserve any of the things he'd done to me. I haven't heard from him since. Meanwhile, I can't seem to think about anything else. I'm a mess. This man brought women to his house, in a car I rented for him he went out of town and started a relationship with the girl on FB. I mean the list just goes on and on. Don't know why I can't just let it go, but I can't. This is why I'm seeking outside help. I can barely get out of bed. I'm always checking my phone to see if he text me or called. The whole time we were together, he didn't have a car, didn't have a steady job, didn't have much of anything. I gave and gave and gave....and now that he's on his feet, he's just tossing me to the side it seems. I didn't mention we are in a 12-step program together, that's how we met. Now I'm wondering who he will be with next. I can no longer go to the meetings. My recovery is shot as I gave up 4 years clean time...took Vicodin and gave it all up. Now I not only have to deal with the shame of the break up, but the shame of starting over. Meetings don't make me feel better. Nothing makes me feel better. God, I just don't know what to do. I'm in so much pain, and he's NOT. Trying to go to school, can't concentrate on school. As a matter of fact, right now I should be doing school work, but I'm doing this. I just need to feel better. But I don't know how.