Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Journal

Magola
Magola

o I started a journal. I think I'm finding peace in that. It's an honest ounce of writing in all the craziness and deceit. Tonight is our second therapy session. We'll see how that goes. I'm curious to know were your experiences similar? What does 6 months 1 year look like? Is there healing there?

forwardmotion
forwardmotion
By one year the hysterical bonding was long gone and I was much stronger in terms of dealing with my triggers and thoughts/emotions.

The cycle of up/down periods were slower and less intense.

I removed the marriage from my identity and found that I really don't need her but am still here giving her a chance.

In some ways that made me a bit more distant to her but stronger in terms of realizing I am fine with or without her. You realize that you have a lot of power being the betrayed spouse as you can leave the relationship with a clear conscience whereas the cheating spouse cannot.

So the day to day is easier but without the hysterical bonding aspect it is harder to feel close to your spouse. This has been the challenged in year two vs year one which was just about survival.
Magola
Magola
That all makes sense. I'm sort of worried that that's where I'll. find myself. It sounds like you have peace, but I'm worried about distance and resentments. I haven't made a decision about our marriage. I can't now, but I know I can't live resenting him or questioning his honesty.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
In your case though... The husband is unrepentant which means you need to heal on your own with counseling and supportive family/friends.

Your healing may require staying away from your toxic husband.

It will be a different path than mine.
leavingabetterman
leavingabetterman
Magola, If I do comment/post it’s in journaling or on the CA board. That’s because I’m not a BS but a former CS. Three years ago I blew my BS’s world up when I was exposed at DDay.

Couple things.. I took FULL responsibility. Possibly lurking in the very back of my mind was some issues I had with her, but I placed no blame on her. He needs to accept responsibility and has the work to do to save your relationship.... not you... and he needs to prove to you every day he is doing that. Doesn’t sound like any of that is happening now and until it does I think you should be working in your exit plans....
Magola
Magola
Leavingabetterman, I see what you're saying. I'm not a bystander in this. I'm lying down in it. I'm feeling all the feels and hoping for a change. There has been progress in some ways. My hope is reconciliation, but my reality may never match up. But what I know is that on my part I will not regret trying. I'm not dependent on him for anything, this is more about future regrets.
heartache5
heartache5
regardless of what happens. it is important for urself to feel you tried. I really do understand that thought process. im only 5 months in. my boyfriend is remorsefull but I wonder if I can get past it if the love will come back. time will tell and if not I too can leave with my head held high knowing I tried. so do what you need to do to give yourself the feeling you tried. however you cant change him or his actions. Youre on the right track though that your not dependant on him. Just don't let him treat you like crap or blame you in any way. We all wished we are "that" couple that has a very remorsefull CS and comes out stronger after cheating, but it sometimes seems a fairytale that doesn't exist. There's no need to make any decisions until you are ready whichever they are. Stay strong!