Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello,
I am not sure if anyone will remember me, as I wasn't too active when I first joined DS.
When I joined here almost two years ago, I had discovered that my husband had been cheating on me from 3 months into my relationship until I found out after our first wedding anniversary. He cheated with many people, mostly other men who he had found on Craigslist.
I spent over a year trying to put things back together. I discovered after some time, that the only way I would stop finding is his lies, is if I stopped looking (I wasted hours and hours and hours looking). He never told the truth unless the evidence was presented to him. I honestly believed that if I stopped snooping for it, we could forget about it.
The one night in which we had a real conversation about our relationship, he suggested we present a list of things we could change about ourselves for each other. My list was simple: be faithful. His list was long, and included things that were quite trivial IMO. But I agreed to them. And I worked my ass off for awhile.
But he never stayed home. He would finish work and then take off. Wouldn't share a meal with me, wouldn't want any quality time. And would use my anger as an excuse to walk out. For a year, I was miserable. I bought books (several that were suggested on here). I watched many shows. I even asked for marriage counselling several times. He never once picked up a single reading material, and would brush off marriage counselling and said he didn't want to have to explain to a sitter where we were going.
I kept giving him deadlines. At first, it was Jan 1 of 2014. Then I said spring, And then a few months later. He walked around like he was the king when he realized there was no consequences.
My mom fell ill last summer, so I went to spend 2 weeks with her (kid free with a lot of time to think). It was there that I decided that I was ready to leave. I realized how much life I was missing out on, being isolated in a city 8 hours away from my closest family. I realized how miserable I was (I guess I got so used to it, that it seemed second nature when I was with my husband).
So I went back to where we shared a home, packed up the kids and got together the few things I needed, and came to stay with my mom. My first day back, I was given a full time job and an awful lot of
responsibility I had never had. But I can't explain how light I felt inside. How relieved.
It was the first night in over a year that I didn't cry myself to sleep.
He, however, decided that it was the time to resolve our issues. He wanted marriage counselling. He wanted to reconcile. I found out, however, it was because he didn't want his family to find out what had happened. And the first lie I caught him in, I decided to forget any chances I could have given.
I am now going 9 months strong. I have learned more about myself in the last 9 months that I didn't know for my entire life. I am worth doing my best. I am worth being happy.
I apologize for the length of this post, it just felt really good to be able to update :)
I am not sure if anyone will remember me, as I wasn't too active when I first joined DS.
When I joined here almost two years ago, I had discovered that my husband had been cheating on me from 3 months into my relationship until I found out after our first wedding anniversary. He cheated with many people, mostly other men who he had found on Craigslist.
I spent over a year trying to put things back together. I discovered after some time, that the only way I would stop finding is his lies, is if I stopped looking (I wasted hours and hours and hours looking). He never told the truth unless the evidence was presented to him. I honestly believed that if I stopped snooping for it, we could forget about it.
The one night in which we had a real conversation about our relationship, he suggested we present a list of things we could change about ourselves for each other. My list was simple: be faithful. His list was long, and included things that were quite trivial IMO. But I agreed to them. And I worked my ass off for awhile.
But he never stayed home. He would finish work and then take off. Wouldn't share a meal with me, wouldn't want any quality time. And would use my anger as an excuse to walk out. For a year, I was miserable. I bought books (several that were suggested on here). I watched many shows. I even asked for marriage counselling several times. He never once picked up a single reading material, and would brush off marriage counselling and said he didn't want to have to explain to a sitter where we were going.
I kept giving him deadlines. At first, it was Jan 1 of 2014. Then I said spring, And then a few months later. He walked around like he was the king when he realized there was no consequences.
My mom fell ill last summer, so I went to spend 2 weeks with her (kid free with a lot of time to think). It was there that I decided that I was ready to leave. I realized how much life I was missing out on, being isolated in a city 8 hours away from my closest family. I realized how miserable I was (I guess I got so used to it, that it seemed second nature when I was with my husband).
So I went back to where we shared a home, packed up the kids and got together the few things I needed, and came to stay with my mom. My first day back, I was given a full time job and an awful lot of
responsibility I had never had. But I can't explain how light I felt inside. How relieved.
It was the first night in over a year that I didn't cry myself to sleep.
He, however, decided that it was the time to resolve our issues. He wanted marriage counselling. He wanted to reconcile. I found out, however, it was because he didn't want his family to find out what had happened. And the first lie I caught him in, I decided to forget any chances I could have given.
I am now going 9 months strong. I have learned more about myself in the last 9 months that I didn't know for my entire life. I am worth doing my best. I am worth being happy.
I apologize for the length of this post, it just felt really good to be able to update :)
Screw these dickheads who think they can hold us under their thumb as if we don't have choices. To the rest of you still struggling, READ THIS PERSON's story!! Know that you have the power to walk away AND be happy. Never let anyone steal your happiness.
Take control of your life and know you only get one life to live. Choose sanity, peace, no drama and most of all - NO LYING.