Physical Therapist here. If I had to have orthopedic surgery, of all the joints, give me a total hip replacement any day of the week. The recovery is so much faster now, many times there are no precautions at all (like no bending, no crossing legs etc which used to be so common back in the day). Depending on the approach and severity of the damage, it is so less invasive and therefore such a faster recovery. Hoping this is the case for your H. For those that have a lot of post op pain or complicated surgery, it might mean a week or 2 in a rehab facility. Your H is young. I would expect discharge home 24-48 hrs and home health nursing, PT, OT as needed (1 wk or so) then the transition to out patient therapy. You shouldn't have to do anything special for him other than bring him a cold pack, set meals within reach, make sure he takes his meds. It will not involve you doing any kind of lifting or moving him. He should be doing all that on his own. Naturally, limit his visitors for your own peace of mind.He'll have a lot of time on his hands for online, texting, phone calls while he's recuperating so you'll want to be aware of that (sounds like you already are). PM me if you have more questions about PT rehab etc.

That's all good info betrayedtodeath! Thanks!!

RN here ... Take him to see is primary care provider. He probably needs more than a hip replacement... full physical may be due too. if he complains to you and does nothing about it there is a chance he may have other things wrong also.

Oh and be super nice to the nurses in the hospital.. they will tell you when he has visitors

He does go to the dr. routinely. I will see what he does next. I will be sure to be nice to the nurses!

I just feel that whatever is wrong with him, I will be the one suffering.

Storm,

You always offer strong advice with a bit of honey, so here's mine..

Do you love him? No, I mean it. Do you love him? You have suffered a long time to be with this man. What I want for you is to know that YOU are being taken care of. He's needy. He's greedy. He's now old and ill. How is taking care of this man (who still seems oblivious to your pain) going to be good for you? If she contacts him or he contacts her, what is your plan? What will you sacrifice to "keep" him? And where is the love that you deserve in all of this? What about you, Storm? What about you??

In my profession, only as people age do they realize that it is no longer crazy sex but intimacy and someone to take care of them that they want. Are you his wife or his nursemaid? Because you deserve so much more and I want it for you. ASAP. He is a bonehead. She is a bonehead. Your heart is made of gold. What about your needs? Who is going to care for you??

Hi Stupidwife...I just read this portion a few times and it felt like you were speaking to me...so thank you for those words.

"only as people age do they realize that it is no longer crazy sex but intimacy and someone to take care of them that they want. Are you his wife or his nursemaid? Because you deserve so much more and I want it for you. ASAP. He is a bonehead. She is a bonehead. Your heart is made of gold. What about your needs? Who is going to care for you??"

Deep and hit home for me...although my wife is in her early 40's she has from Colitis to fibromyalgia , the list of illnesses are endless. I being in my early 50's am super healthy (thankfully).
sometimes i feel like i'm her nursemaid, she claims that her illnesses hinder her doing anything for me or anything domestic, meanwhile she takes kickboxing classes and plays video games all day...and you're right, who will care for me ? you gave me much to ponder.

@Risi: It is a heavy heart that sees the love we give is nothing more than a checkbook, childcare, nursing services, etc. All of these services I provided because that’s what you do in a marriage—give and support no questions asked. I didn’t have time to get a haircut but he could have an affair right under my nose. I often wondered how my husband had time to meet up with Big Boobs when I could barely keep it all together. He told me -they talked all day, exchanged texts and when they could hold off anymore, they met during lunch hours, time when he was “at appointments”, on weekend mornings when he was “out with friends”, meeting colleagues for drinks, etc. I mistakenly (stupidly, blindly) thought he was building and contributing to our future. He wasn’t. Just himself. But here’s the thing—I allowed him to behave like that because I believed we were working toward the same goals. I say this, not for the continued self-baratement that appears to define today—but to encourage you to really, really, really look at what you are allowing. I let a million behaviors slide bc “that’s what married couples do”. WRONG.
You deserve the love you give. If she’s using you, stop her. No more. Will she fight back with the change—you betcha. You are changing and her world will be shooketh. Good. Your life belongs to YOU—you can cherish it and make choices that are tough but honest or continue living as you are. I hope to God (or your faith choice) that you see how amazing you are and that genuine caring love is the birthright of all people (including our stupid spouses). Acknowledge your hurt, process it and then, move forward. Tough? Yep. Necessary? Yep.

You have the power to stop allowing people to abuse us—-go get it!!!

There was an interview where Woody Allen said, "love fades". Sometimes that's true. It love also just changes into different feelings and sometimes it means care. BUT if he can't appreciate or understand how he needs you then it's not fair or right. Romantic love is one thing and caring is another. ideally both happen at the same time. That makes me think this: he needs you more than he needs her. To think that a man his age who might be facing surgery cannot appreciate the feelings of the one in his life who really cares is not right. And I wish I had a magic wand to bonk him over the head with

Thanks, nixon1972! You made me laugh.

But don't ever mention Woody Allen again! He is one messed up guy.
I do not believe that love fades. Maybe it wasn't ever love to begin with . . .