Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My fiance has always remainded friends with his exes. He's talked to them before me and continue to talk to them while we are together. I have never had issues with it. Recently, an ex, that was engaged and stopped talking to him for two years reached out to him and told him that she was no longer in the relationship and missed going to his parties and would love an invitation back. He of course did not respond to it via text. Partly I think knowing he could get in trouble if its in writing. But they have continued to talk on a weekly basis, not sure if it is daily. He went out of town last week on Sunday and called her on Monday morning. I just feel the fact he has not said a word to me is the beginning of the possibility for them to reconnect. In the past, he throw back my 'insecurities and mistrust' but there has always been truth to my insecurities.
He hasnt done anything since she stopped reacing out to him but now they are talking again and the hiding that simple fact makes me wonder. If you are going to start hiding the little things what comes next.
Should I confront him for what he would consider (just being a friend to a friend) even though she has made it clear she wants to be back in his life? Oh and when she asked if we were married yet, he said 'Nope. Neither of us is in a rush, go figure'. when it's me that is waitng and he wants to get married soon.
It appears that he is hiding something. His answer about not being in a rush shows that he is weighing his options.
I would have a conversation with him and ask him what is going on. Ask him he if he has doubts about your relationship. And I would certainly tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that he and his ex are so close. Do not let him pin this on you and your insecurities. Tell him his actions are making you feel insecure. Why are you not his first priority?
Better to get this dealt with now otherwise you might be facing a lot of heartache down the road.
My friend is right, it’s not that they are talking again. It’s the way he left the door open for a relationship with her.
Even if he was innocently reaching out to her the day after he leaves me on his business trip, what bothers me is he’s playing it off as I have issues and it’s all in my head.
They shared an intimate relationship and one during the time also when I thought we were dating and it was done.
So I do have issues with her as he says about her past with him.
I did confront him and his response has been to deflect. Currently not bothering to call me in he morning like his usual routine. So I guess we aren’t talking right now.
If you are his number one priority, why is he freezing you out?
Red flag!!!
He should be reassuring you, comforting you! He needs to be honest with you.
Forget about their past for a second, just look at his behavior now!!
What's off limits when she was engaged is not off limits now that she is single. I definitely need to point that out.
I would disagree with never being in relationships with exes. I am still friends with my exes. However, I do not reach out to them ONLY when I am single again. We always have held an open communication from day one. I don't send pictures of myself and ask about their relationship status. We just talk about what's going on in our lives like work, etc. and if they want to talk about their relationships, I am always encouraging. If their current relationship doesn't want us talking, I respectfully give them the space. But not all exes have to end with bad memories and can't be actual friends.
She's just a leech. This is not her first time latching on to him for financial support and a place to live every time she has a 'bad' breakup. At least this time, she went back to her parents to live instead of reaching out to him to ask him to stay with him (which she's done in the past). I think she assumed we were married and didn't bother.
But the fact that she is reaching out to him NOW, just tells me she's wanting to be back in his life. A lack of respect for me by going behind my back. The fact that she thinks its okay to ask him but not me, if she can come to our parties without talking me is another BS move on her part. She always has thought of him as her meal ticket before and he recognized it and why their relationship never lasted beyond a year. He said he never called or considered her a 'girlfriend' because to him, that was reserved for a committed relationship... I guess to him she was just someone to be with for a year.
That says a lot about a partner and their ability to let go of emotional ties as well as the ability to commit to one person.
You have to wonder why in a world of billions that you need to be friends with people of other genders and ones that you have been with before.
I know you want to put the hate on her but the real concern is that he is receptive to it. There are plenty of people who will predate on married/taken people but if he is vulnerable to attention then it is just a matter of time before something happens.
She was my first focus after thing about things because it was HER who reached out to him. He was responding to it. SHE continually ask to be invited to attend things and he does not respond to it.
He's not absolved of his share of the blame either by keeping it from me and I made sure to let him know that. I also made sure to let him know that this is a repeat pattern for her. He is her rebound nothing more.
As for having ties with exes, I do too also. So I will not sit there and say he can't ever. But I don't keep it a secret and I certainly don't call on a weekly basis.
I really at this point don't care if they are still talking now. I am my own person enough to pack my things and leave if I feel there is a betrayal there and he knows that. He is not going to risk 'tapping someone's ass' over a 4 year relationship and business we built together. If he is, I am a big girl and can pack my things.
I know for a fact, she cannot fit in his world. She not only does not have the polish that I do, but her mentality is that of someone that just wants a place to stay, travel and party. That can only go so far in a relationship and if that's what he wants, again, I can pack.
I will NEVER put myself secondary to any woman.
I reached out here, hurt and confused, but after calming down and thinking about it. I don't need him. I don't need a relationship that I have to question and wonder about. So if he wants to be with me, then he will more transparent which he has apologized for. So I can either accept it or not trust him.
The bimbo on the side is just that. It's about using the spouse/partner for emotional/financial stability as well as a child/homecare and then using another for emotional highs and sex.
Best of both worlds. If you take the perspective of treating other people as objects (rather than humans with value outside of what they do for you) to bring you maximum happiness then it is quite logical to have affairs.
Thank you for the insight. It's interesting to put in that perspective.
You're right. He knows she is not polish, would never be accepted in his circle, nor would he want to public be with her. She doesn't know how to socialize other than through flirting with men or women.
He also has that need to be the knight 'save the helpless girl' mentality and she (and all his exes) have played on his weakness. Whereas, according to his bestfriends, I have always been an independent confident woman, so it was why he clashes and had a hard time with our relationship at the beginning. He even says it when we fight to tell him what he needs to do to fix us because that's what he can do. He's a fix it/take care of you guy.
In his mind he wonders who could love him unless he saves them....surely they will love him if he saves them.
Someone who is above him will eventually leave him after finding out they could do much better.
My wife has/had the female version of that.